ROGUE

21 : Since I Lost You

Your POV
Two days later

There was once a time when I despised the night.

I used to hate the black curtain which draped over the once-crystal sky, shadowing everything I loved about this world with a dark nothingness.
I hated the eerie yellow street lamps that were forced to illuminate my home-town with a dim glow, casting an unattractive light onto the rain-kissed pavement and reflecting in the shallow puddles.
And I hated the somehow-threatening people who seemed to roam about when the sun was gone. Most of them would yell, blow out clouds of cigarette smoke, and nurse empty bottles as they sat in their own self-pity outside local bars and clubs. I remember my parents telling me that it was rude to stare, but as a child, there was something intriguing about the people of the streets who never seemed to have anywhere to call home. Later I learnt that it was because a home was something they did not have, and that's what I hated about it.

However, now, as I stood in the empty silence of the night with only a marble statue of an eagle for company, I felt calm.
Actually, no.
I felt nothing.

Two days ago, only hours before I was discharged from the hospital, I had asked Matt to pass on a message to the man who had fooled me into believing he was dead for long enough to drive me to the point of insanity and depression.
He knew I would be here... But I was unaware if he would be too.

I didn't know how to feel about it.
Jason was alive. After all that time I spent mourning, he was alive.
I didn't know if I was relieved, heartbroken or completely furious.
However, I knew my heart would decide for me when I saw his face or heard his voice.

And then I felt it.

All at once.

The familiar presence of someone who used to make my heart flutter and the corners of my lips turn up in an unstoppable smile.
Someone who used to make my skin tingle every time he touched me, and made my knees weak whenever he said my name.
Someone who gave me every single piece of their heart and soul, and did anything and everything to protect me.
The presence of someone I could never forget.

But now, it was different.
My throat tightened and hot tears pricked the back of my eyes. I clenched my fists by my sides and felt my heart begin to drum against my chest. All I wanted to do was scream, and I could tell that he had already sensed my uneasiness without even having to turn around and look at him.
I didn't want to look at him.
I couldn't.

Silence pressured on top of us for what felt like minutes, and I felt like I was drowning... Suffocating.
Except when he spoke, the sound of his voice pierced through me like a thousand knives and broke me apart for one last time.
"I don't want to scare you, Y/n." He whispered quietly from behind me, undoubtedly keeping his distance, but he was close enough to rise the bile from the back of my throat and break my glossy sheen of tears into a continuous stream of water which rolled quickly down my numb cheeks.

I took a shuddering breath in preparation to reply, hoping that I could at least make a sound, let alone form a sentence. "Then don't come any closer." I choked out.
When he didn't reply, I began to doubt he had even heard me, but then another thick layer of silence fell upon us and I realised he hadn't moved.
I tried desperately to think of what to say, but my mind had turned blank. In all honesty, all I wanted to do was to turn around and throw my arms around his neck and cry onto his shoulder...
But I couldn't.
We weren't like that anymore.

"You've been gone a long time." I blurted out, before regretting it the moment after my mouth closed.

Jason audibly shifted uneasily on the spot, and cleared his throat before speaking again. "I didn't want it to have to be like this." He admitted shamefully.