ROGUE

42 : I Can't Stand The Distance

Your POV

My body shook and my heart hammered in my chest as I stood in front of Jason's door.
His new house looked absolutely stunning from the outside, with great big fountains and brand-new fancy cars parked on the white-stone driveway.
It was dead-on 5pm, and my palms were sweating with anxiety.
I wasn't going to knock yet, maybe wait for a few minutes so I didn't look too eager.
I didn't have a clue how I was going to tell him that I was carrying his child in my stomach, and I dreaded telling him that I wanted to get an abortion.
I could not have this baby, no matter what. 

Eventually, I sucked up the courage to tap my knuckles gently against the huge door.
I waited a moment, my heart in my throat, before I heard shuffling from the inside, and it slowly opened.
Jason stood in front of me, wearing dark jeans and a white t-shirt.
He looked exhausted and I could sense his nerves.
"Hey," he cleared his throat quietly. "Come in."
I simply nodded and stepped inside.
Jason closed the door behind me, not taking his eyes off me.
He noticed the state I was in immediately.
It was obvious that my mind and body were giving up - simply from the redness of my eyes and the slow movement of my limbs.
"Are you alright?" He asked, standing in front of me and gazing at my face desperately.

I definitely wasn't going to go straight into it, this was a sensitive subject in a sensitive moment that I needed to put together in my head before I said it out loud.
I simply looked back at him, secretly happy to see his face. Unwilling to answer, I flipped the question. "Are you?"

Jason shook his head. "It doesn't matter about me, Y/n." He said, I sensed him becoming more and more anxious. "Why did you call?"

"Um," My voice shook unmistakably. "I needed to talk to you about something."

He narrowed his eyes suspiciously. "About what? Has something happened?" The concern in his voice was evident, but it only made me more afraid to tell him the truth.
All I really wanted to do was wrap my arms around him and forgive him for all the bullshit he put me through.

"Can we s-sit down and talk about it?" I begged, feeling my eyes well.
I blinked back tears, trying to hide my vulnerability.

"No, tell me here." Panic flickered in his hazel eyes. "You're scaring me, Y/n. What happened?"

Just tell him.

"Um..." A tear slid down my cheek and I wiped it away fiercely. "I don't know how to tell you." I whimpered.

"Y/n, please." Jason grabbed my shoulders and the sudden contact me flinch. "Just say it."
He noticed the tears in my eyes and I could practically hear his heartbeat.

"I'm pregnant, Jason." I spluttered, not daring to look him in the eye.

He froze.
Eyes wide and lips parted.
Time seemed to stop as his reaction lingered for a moment.
He stared at me intently before he staggered back, stunned.
"You're pregnant?" He repeated, as if he hadn't heard me properly.
I nodded slowly and started sobbing.
Jason stared at me in disbelief, he had visibly stiffened and his hands shook violently.
When he finally spoke, his voice sounded muffled and far away.
"Is..." he inhaled sharply. "Is it mine?"

His words hurt so much that it could've been a punch.
I looked up at him through the blur of my tears, my body trembling aggressively.
"Who else's would it be?" I whimpered.

He hesitated further. "I don't know, I just..." he ran a hand through his hair. "It's a lot to take in." His voice shook gently.

I cried harder, burying my face in my hands.
"I'm scared, Jason." I admitted. "I'm so, so scared."

Jason eventually moved forward slowly.
"Come here." He whispered, wrapping his arms gently around my shaking body.
I hesitated at first, but then I let myself feel it and I cried uncontrollably onto his shoulder.
"We'll work this out, Y/n." He soothed, stroking my hair the way he always used to do.

"How?" I sobbed. "I'm eighteen. I can't have a baby, especially now that me and you are - "
I stopped myself, knowing that finishing my sentence will only add to both of our pain.
I felt Jason's body tense further and his heartbeat increased to an unhealthily quick pace.
He didn't say anything, he just held me tighter and hummed gently.
This is what I needed.
I needed Jason to numb the pain.
"I c-can't do this anymore." I broke down, literally digging my face into his shoulder.

"Shh, everything's gonna be alright." He whispered, but our bodies were too close to lie.
He was just as scared as I was.

I took shuddering breaths as we stood there like that for minutes, until my crying eventually stopped and I remained trembling in Jason's arms.
Eventually, I plucked up the courage to say what I knew Jason desperately needed to hear.
"I still love you, y'know?" I whispered shakily.

I heard him suck in a sharp breath and he pulled back hesitantly.
His shoulder was soaked from my tears, but he didn't seem to mind.
He just stared at me in disbelief.
"After everything?"

I nodded.
"I thought that I couldn't be with you after what you did," I sucked in a sharp breath, convincing myself to forgive him. "But I can't stand the distance. I can't cope without you."

Unshed tears welled in Jason's eyes.
He gently cupped my face in his hands, slowly stoking my cheek with his thumb.
"We can make this work." He whispered.

I pressed my palms against his chest, my voice still quivering. "This doesn't mean I'm forgetting what you did to me."

"I don't expect you to forget about it, Y/n." He moved his face closer to mine, our lips practically touching. "It's my fault you're hurting."

"I know," I whispered. "But I can't bring myself to hate you."

A gentle smile curved on Jason's lips.
"I'm glad, baby."
And with that, his lips were pressed softly against mine.
The pressure of all the words we couldn't say was lifted in every kiss.

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