ROGUE

32 : Someone I never knew

Your POV

The moment I heard the words, I felt my heart tear.
My parents were gone, and the whole cause was stood in front of me.
Nothing made sense.
"What?" Was all I could splutter out.

Jason pressed his face into my hands, still holding my wrists. "I'm sorry, Y/n. I'm so fucking sorry." His voice was hoarse and his tears ran down my hands.
He was coming apart, the way I had when I was kidnapped.
"I would take it back in a heartbeat. I blew up the plane, because I needed you. I just wanted to be near you and I don't deserve to be."

"I-I don't know what to say." My voice was nothing but a broken whisper, it sounded distant and muffled, like it didn't belong to me and I was eavesdropping on the conversation.

My body shook as I cried.
I wanted to hate him.
Jason killed my own mother and father.
My own blood.
The whole reason I was in this world.
I really wanted to hate him.
But I couldn't.

Jason let go of my wrists and backed away, he tried to give me space, but the closet was painfully small.
There was no space between us, inside or outside these walls.

"I don't know what's going to happen. I know you'll never be able to forgive me. I just want you to be happy. I want to make you happy but I don't know how. Everything I do just makes things worse. I'm sorry." Jason inhaled deeply and his breath caught.

Seeing him break in front of me, felt like it broke me too.

"Jason," I reached up and touched his damp cheeks.
Everything he had ever said to me had just been words- nothing meant anything at all.
But right now, Jason was talking from his heart.
This was real.
This was now.

He caught my wrist once more, and I could make out his eyes glistening tearfully in the dark.
I could almost hear his heartbeat.
"You're never gonna be able to love me, are you?"
His voice cracked, and I could tell he was on the verge of giving in.

The question lingered between us, tearing me apart.

"I don't have a choice." I whispered.
Jason McCann always got what he wanted, no matter what.

"I can force people to do a lot of things, but I can't force love, Y/n."
He spoke the words slowly, and I realised how close his face was to mine
He ran his thumb down my bottom lip.
"I'm giving you a choice. What do you want?"

My breath hitched.
"I want to matter."

"You matter to me." His voice was low and raw, as if he was about to spill every secret he possessed.

A sob caught in my throat, and Jason took my face into his hands and his lips brushed mine.
It wasn't a kiss, it was a moment.
A heartbeat.
"I can't give you what you want." I croaked.

Our lips barely separated.
Jason took a shaky breath and hesitated.
"I want you near me, I just-"
He trailed off, as if he couldn't find the words.

"You just what?"

Jason pressed his forehead against mine.
"I just love you. I love you so much and it's scaring me."
His hand slid behind my neck, tangling in my hair.

I shook my head, choking on my tears. "You don't know what love is."
My breathing sped up.

"Nothing makes sense without you, Y/n. And if that's not love, then I guess I'll never know. You're my heart, you're my heartbeat."
He gathered me up in his arms and held me tighter than anyone ever had before.
Here I felt safe, like nothing could ever hurt me again.