ROGUE

12 : This Ends Now

Your POV

When I entered the kitchen the next morning with a screaming headache and an inside-out-stomach, I did not expect to see Jason fully dressed and surrounded by three black suitcases.
I didn't need a mirror to know how far my jaw dropped at the sight of it, and my heart began to pound faster than I ever thought was possible. This was it. I had finally pushed Jason over the edge and now he was leaving me.

Jason didn't notice me at first; for he was frantically hurrying around the kitchen and looking for something. He, himself, looked like a god in his skintight black t-shirt which clung desperately to his defined chest and hinted what was underneath. By the time he turned around and his empty eyes met mine, I'm pretty sure I had already teared up.

I caught him off guard a little, and he stared at me as if I was a stranger for what felt like half a minute, until he awkwardly cleared his throat and continued searching around the breakfast bar for some unknown item. "How you feeling?" He muttered quietly, trying his best to keep his tone low and uninterested.

I panicked at the sudden thought of having to reply. I was feeling like literal crap; but I didn't want to tell him that because it would give him one more reason leave. I inhaled a shaky breath and tried to blink away the water that was slowly collecting in my eyes. "Better." I choked out, trying my best to piece together an explanation for what I did inside my head... Except there wasn't one. I screwed up and this time it was all my fault.

"Good." Jason replied, keeping his back to me and opening a cupboard for a few seconds before sighing heavily and closing it again.

"What are you looking for?" I squeaked, tangling my fingers together nervously.

"Car keys." He mumbled in boredom, before he eventually opened a drawer and pulled them out. "These always get lost." He said, rolling his eyes and sliding the jingling pieces of metal into his black jeans. When he looked back up at me, his eyebrows furrowed and the slightest hint of emotion coloured his perfect features. "Why are you crying?"

"What?" I said suddenly, wiping the damp skin beneath my eyes and sniffling like a child. "I'm not crying."

Jason stared at me for a moment, but then he rolled his eyes for the second time with a careless shrug. "Okay then." He said as he grabbed his leather jacket from the back of one of the chairs.

I watched painfully as he slid it on and grabbed one of the black heavy suitcases, and my heart tore. I didn't want to be without him, but a small part of me was beginning to think I needed to. That's the part that broke me.
I didn't want to lose him, but I knew we were already slipping away from each other.
"Jason, I'm sorry." I said quickly, allowing my eyes to well up again and show how vulnerable I was really feeling. "I'm really, really sorry. I know that meeting up with Chris was wrong and I completely lied to you and betrayed your trust, but I was feeling lonely and disconnected. I didn't do it to hurt you."

Jason shrugged again. "Whatever, Y/n. Honestly, I'm not in the mood to talk about this right now. But if you think sorry is gonna make me forget the fact that you went to a club with your ex boyfriend and did god-knows what, you're pretty fucking stupid." He said as he rolled up his sleeves. "Sorry doesn't mean anything from you anymore. It's all empty. Just like your promises and your threats."

I folded my arms over my chest and couldn't bare to look him in the eye. "What's that supposed to mean?" 

"It means it's always you who makes us fall out these days." His voice raised a little but I could tell that he was trying to control his temper. "I know that I've screwed up in the past but I'm trying now. And you're not. Ever since we lost Samantha, you've been tearing this relationship to pieces as if it's what you want."

"It's not what I want." I begged, feeling my eyes burn further.

"Then why do you do this, Y/n?" He shook his head. "All the things you've been doing over the past few months are just not you. I can't deal with this anymore."

I bit my lip and hesitated. "Is that why you're leaving me?"

Jason's face screwed up. "What are you talking about?"

"The suitcases, the car keys... You're leaving me." I gestured to the objects only seconds before the water escaped my eyes and rolled quickly down my cheeks. "It's because you don't love me anymore. It's because I've changed... It's because I'm not healing."

Jason looked distraught. "Y/n - "

"You can't deal with a girl who's in pain." I took a step back as he took a step closer, his eyes suddenly full of concern and sadness. "Because you're in pain yourself."

"Y/n, listen to me." I flinched as he grabbed my hand and pulled me closer. The sudden small space between us triggered something inside me and I started sobbing. He didn't embrace me in an act of comfort like he used to do, but he ran his fingers slowly up my arms and held my shoulders firmly. "I'm not leaving you, okay? I'm delivering money to a gang. That's what the suitcases are for. You don't have to worry."

Relief hardly settled inside my heart, and I shook my head frantically. "I am worried. We're in a toxic relationship and we're always hurting each other." I cried. "How are we supposed to go on like this, Jason? How are we supposed to spend the rest of our lives together?" I looked up at him through the blur of my tears. "We just don't work."

Every cell in my body expected him to fight.
I expected him to pull me closer, hold me tighter and tell me that he didn't want to be without me. But what he did instead, literally felt like my heart had been torn into two pieces.

He took a step back and shook his head.
"You're right, Y/n." He whispered, staring at the ground. It was a long suffocating moment until he spoke again, and his next words were enough to completely kill me inside. "This needs to end." When he looked back up at me, his caramel eyes glistened with tears and they held a sadness so deep that I thought he was going to break down. His voice cracked when he next spoke, settling both numbness and pain inside my chest. "This ends now."

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merry christmas and a happy new year

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PLS DONT KILL ME FOR THIS SAD CHAPTER