ROGUE

73 : Losing Her Again

Your POV

Waking up in hospital didn't cost me any confusion. I had felt this way too many times.
The same boring ceiling that all hospitals had stared back at me, and the steady peeping of my heartbeat pierced through my ears.
Here we go again.

My body was still aching from the impact of the fall, my head was still pounding and my legs still felt paralysed from the shock.

But I didn't care about me.
I cared about Samantha.
I wanted to know that she was going to be okay.

How could I have been so stupid?
Why wasn't I focussed?

Guilt began to eat away at me as I turned my head against the cotton white pillow, and my eyes locked on Jason.
He was sat in the beside chair, elbows resting on his knees, with one hand covering his eyes and the other clutching a thin piece of paper with tiny printed writing.
His body was so still that I couldn't work out if he was awake or asleep.

"Jason." I murmured, my voice coming out croaky and barely audible.

But he heard it, and his head snapped up like a puppet on strings.
There were visible trails of red in the whites of his eyes, and I instantly knew he had been crying.
"Y/n," He took a shuddering breath and looked nervous. "You're awake." He stated, clearly not knowing what to say.

Neither did I.

"Yeah." I whispered, feeling tears collect in my eyes. The state that Jason was in already told me too much.

He pushed his hand through his messy hair. "You feeling better?" He reached for my hand and squeezed it reassuringly, rubbing his thumb over my skin in circles.

"My head hurts." I declared. "But I'm fine."

He nodded and inhaled sharply. "The doctors gave you antibiotics, they said you should heal quickly and without any problems." He mumbled, switching his gaze from me to the ground. "We should be able to go home before lunch time."

"What time is it now?"

"Three in the morning." He replied, taking back his hand and interlacing his fingers together.

I didn't reply for a few moments, but moments felt like hours, and the tension seemed to rise by the second. "Is..." I took a shuddering breath. "Is everything okay?"

Jason knew damn well what I was talking about.

When he eventually spoke, his voice sounded distant and far away.
"You're gonna be fine." He furrowed his eyebrows and held a hard gaze on the floor as if he was trying to burn a hole in it.

"That's not what I asked." I breathed out, barely able to contain my tears.

He let out a pained sigh, and let another long moment pass, before he looked up at me through the blur of a glossy sheen.
"I'm sorry, Y/n..." He whispered, his voice quivering. "She's gone."

His words felt like a thousand knives cutting into my heart, a hard thump formed in my throat, and I couldn't help but let my hot tears roll freely down my cheeks.
"This is my fault." I had to say it out loud as my stomach twisted painfully in knots.

"No, it's not." Jason's voice cracked and he shook his head. "Don't think like that."

"I should've moved out of the way." I tried to sit up in bed as my breathing quickened and my emotional state intensified, pain struck through me, but it was nothing compared to the pain in my heart. "I should've gotten in the car when you told me to."

"Stop it, Y/n." He stood up from the chair and moved forward to support me, gently resting his hands on my shoulders. "You don't remember what happened, you were getting in the car, but Will's friend..." He trailed off, lost for words. "He ran after you, and then..." He pressed his lips together in a thin line. "Then you got hit."

I squeezed my eyes shut and held my breath.
"I'm so sorry, Jason." I choked back a sob. "I'm so, so sorry."

Jason sat down on the bed beside me and I felt the mattress dip. "Come here." He whispered, gently wrapping his arm around my back and urging me towards his side.
"It just wasn't meant to be."

Jason's POV

She cried into my shoulder until the morning, and for the first time in my life, I just didn't know how to comfort her.
The news was heartbreaking, and I was finding it hard to hold myself together in front of Y/n.
I had to stay strong for her.

Losing my sister all those years ago changed my life, but now, losing Samantha again added to the piercing pain in my heart that I forever tried to conceal.

I looked down at Y/n whilst she buried her face in my t-shirt, soaking the material with her tears, her body shaking.
"Y/n." I whispered.
She looked up at me instantly, her eyes swollen, glossy and red.
"I love you." I told her, forcing my lips to send her a reassuring smile.

Her expression didn't change the way I expected it to.
Whenever I told her how much she meant to me, her eyes would usually light up and her beautiful smile would form on her perfect lips.
But not this time...

Y/n had lost a piece of her.

And the girl looking up at me now, was not the Y/n that I knew.

After losing Samantha, I doubted she would ever be the same again.

...I know I wasn't.

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NO ONE KILL ME

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