Scent Of a Man | HyunSung

Chapter 117

Jisung's POV
16 November 2028
Seoul, Korea

"I had fallen asleep?" I whispered and she nodded.

"You had a bad dream." My mom helped me get out of the car. "Are you sure you're going to be fine?" She asked me and I nodded. I wasn't sure and I wasn't ready for any of the following moments. When I was little I was laying on the grave as if I was hugging her. And I was eventually falling asleep. Later when my mom and dad finally woke me up, I was more than cold and I was starting to have panic attacks.

My mom was looking at me more than worried. I tried to smile, but my eyes were starting to leak. I took a deep breath and grabbed the flowers. I needed to go there as soon as I could. I needed to be with Jiah now. My phone vibrated.

Lino: please tell me you're fine

Jisung: I'm fine

I wrote back and hurried to the grave when my mom was walking as fast as she could behind me. My dad was the slowest one because he parked the car and tried to catch up with us later. I wanted to be there already.

When my eyes met her gravestone, I sighed. I tried to breathe but I was getting colder. I ran to go there as soon as possible and almost tripped. I kneeled in front of the gravestone and started crying and hugging it. The cold was making me feel worse. But I couldn't let go of the gravestone. My mom took my hand and made me get up.

"You're getting cold," she whispered. 

"Mom, she..." I tried to say, but my mind got dizzy. My whole body felt numb. I took a deep breath. Another one. But it didn't help me. So I started trying to breathe as heavily as I could. I fell in my mom's hands and dad hugged us too. I could feel him crying too. I slipped out of the hug and sat on the ground.

"Jiah," I whispered, "I'm not freezing. It's cold, but I'm not freezing." I told her. Mom and dad looked at me confused.

Suddenly I wanted to be alone. Only me and her. I wanted to tell her all about Hyunjin. Or it was more like, I wanted him to be with me instead of my parents so I could tell her that I was finally doing better with the cold. I wanted her to know that her older brother had finally found a bit of strength to fight against his fear.

I felt my mom's hand on my shoulder.

"I am doing fine, so don't worry about me, okay?" I sobbed. My vision was blurry because of my tears again but I tried to wipe them away in order to see her photo clearly. "I miss you so much!" I cried out.

My parents kneeled next to me and hugged me again.

"We all miss her, Hanji," mom whispered.

"I know," I whispered. "Jiah was our sweetheart," I looked at mom and then dad. He was quieter. Maybe he noticed that mom and I were talking about something he didn't know about. But I didn't want to know if he was mad or not. Once, when I had a bad grade and I told only my mom about it, he didn't do anything, but then he told me that he was sad that I didn't tell him.

How do I tell him that I had a boyfriend? I sighed. I couldn't tell him, mom could tell him instead of me.

Hyunjin...

I was thinking about him again. I just couldn't help it. I lied to mom and I knew it. I needed him to come. I knew that even though he didn't know anything he would just hug me and be there for me without asking questions or wanting an explanation.

"She is okay, I know it." My dad finally spoke. "She is in a better place and she wants you to be okay too."

"I am okay, Jiah." I mumbled looking at her photo.