Destiel One-shots

The Moose Is Done

Sam was done. 

DONE. 

Enough with the staring, the mental undressing, the tension that was literally choking him, the fighting like an old married couple that they should be- ENOUGH!

It was time he called in the expert. It was time for this ship to sail.

And that was why Charlie showed up at the Bunker for a "surprise visit." She and Sam were ready to put Mission Taste The Rainbow into action. 

Because the moose couldn't take it anymore.

This was why Charlie and Sam were spying on Dean as he ate cereal in the Bunker's kitchen. Their eyes narrowed at the sight of him.

"Look at him." Charlie scoffed. "He even eats like he's in the closet."

"Charlie, you're looking at the man who is so far in the closet, he's ruling Narnia in his spare time."

"Hey, if Oz is real, is Narnia too?"

"I don't know; ask the guy who's denial is strong enough to kill a moose."

"Aren't you a moose?"

"Yes" 

"Well then. Step one. We're going to need some backup." Sam frowned.

"I called you because you WERE backup." Charlie rolled her eyes.

"Sorry Sam, but we're not enough firepower to force them together. We're gonna need some Death star level energy." Sam thought for a moment.

"Alright." He agreed. "I'll make some calls."

Three calls later- One to Gabriel, one to Crowley, and one to Gabriel again because he was laughing to hard the first time- everything was set.

All they needed now was the ship itself.

"Hey Dean!" Charlie announced, bounding into the room. "Want some pie?" She held up the seemingly harmless plate, topped with a mouthwatering piece of apple pie. 

"Always." Dean replied, taking the pie and inhaling it. Charlie smirked at him. "Whu?" Dean questioned, trying to talk through the pie.

"Oh nothing." She insisted. "Sleep well."

"Wha-" Dean's thoughts stopped as he fell to the ground, unconscious.

"De down, stiel to go." Charlie commented, dragging Dean out of the room.

Sam dialed a number on his phone and prepared himself for a great acting job.

"Sam." Castiel's deep voice rang out.

"Cas!" Sam exclaimed, putting on a panicked voice. "You gotta get over here right now! Dean's hurt. We were hunting down some demons and one of them got to him- Cas, it's really bad."

"Where are you?" Came the immediate reply. 

"47 Princeton street. It's just outside of Lebanon, Kansas."

"I'm on my way."

Sam smirked at his phone as e hung up. Innocent Cas didn't suspect a thing.

*****

Bright lights flickered into view as Dean came to. He was in some kind of warehouse. Weird. He went to move, only to find that he was tied to a chair. He mouth was also duct-taped shut. He squirmed in the chair, but it was no use. The knots were strong, clearly done by someone with a lot of experience. 

Not again, Dean thought to himself. He looked around, and his eyes widened at the sight of the person next to him.

Castiel, trench coat and all, was tied up next to him. His mouth was also taped shut, and there were markings on the floor, preventing him from using his powers.

"At last, they're awake." A familiar british voice called out. Dean's eyes narrowed. What did Crowley want now? 

But the person that stepped into view was not what Dean was suspecting. The tall moose smiled at the two of them and knelt down to their level, a crazed look in his eye. 

"Now that I have your attention," Sam began. "We're going to talk about your feelings for each other."

There were muffled retorts of denial instantly, but they stopped when everyone else in the room was revealed.

There were angels. Dozens of them. Gabriel and Balthazar waved from the front of the group. 

Then there were demons. Tons of them, led by Crowley, of course.

Then there were the others. Charlie, Rowena, Garth, Bobby, Mary, and more that Dean didn't recognize.

With a rip, the duct-tape was removed from Dean and Cas's mouths.

"What is the meaning of this?" Cas demanded.

"Sammy what the hell?" Dean yelled.

"WE ARE DONE!" Sam shouted back. "I am done! I cannot stand your sexual tension anymore!"

"There is no-" Dean began.

"Bullshit." Gabriel called out. "My gaydar hasn't gone of this much since I met Sam."

"Quiet, Gabe, you guys are next week." Charlie hissed.

"Angels can't even feel emotions, and we all know Castiel is in love with Dean." Hannah explained.

"And Dean feels the same way." Crowley agreed. "It's been in his hell."

"And his heaven." Balthazar added.

"And let's not talk about what went down in Purgatory," Benny's voice piped up from the back.

"Seriously." Dean deadpanned. "Benny."

"The entire universe knows, Dean." Charlie declared. "Now GIVE IN!"

"There's nothing to give in to!" Dean shot back. "Cas is family, yes,but just because he's caring and nice, and always there for me, and has beautiful eyes and a great ass DOESN'T MEAN I LIKE HIM!"

The power behind everyone's bitchface should've knocked over their chairs.

"You have pretty eyes too..." Cas mumbled. "And you have a nice soul."

The bitchfaces grew stronger.

"...I'm not gay!" Dean announced.

"Then you're bi." Charlie offered.

"No."

"Pansexual?"

"NO."

"How about Cassexual?"

"What-"

"Could someone please undo these ropes?" Cas begged. 

"Why should we?" Crowley questioned.

"Because Dean Winchester said I had a great ass, so I'd like to kiss him now, if you don't mind." Dean's face went bright red. Crowley snapped his fingers and the ropes disappeared.

Cas hadn't been lying either. He leaned over, grabbed Dean  by the collar, and smashed their lips together. Charlie screamed, Gabriel raised a lollipop in triumph, Crowley rolled his eyes, and Sam?Let's just say the moose hit the floor and let out a moosey shriek.

"Is it just me, or did the world get lighter after relieving that tension?" Balthazar questioned.

"Jeez, Cas," Dean breathed. "I didn't know you could kiss like that."

"Yeah, well," Cas whispered back. "It was enough for them to set us free. Where to?"

"Well, I don't know about you, but I'm searching for the nearest motel."

"Sounds good to me." They kissed again, and Charlie ripped open a packet of skittles over their heads.

"That's right bitches!" she yelled. "TASTE THE RAINBOW!"