Destiel One-shots

Destiel Rant.

This. This is going to be my rant on Destiel.

People love this ship for THOUSANDS of reasons, but for me, it's for little things I almost can't even describe, but I will try my best to.

Take, for example, the scene in the above picture, where Cas finds out Dean has the Mark of Cain.

THIS. FREAKING. SCENE.

This ONE LITTLE SCENE is the reason why Destiel has destroyed me as a person.

Because Cas has been worried about Dean since he got the Mark. The angel knows NOTHING about the mark until this moment, but he still knows that something is wrong with Dean. He can sense immediately that something is off- something's wrong. And it drives him crazy that no one will tell him, so he keeps asking, asking and asking if Dean is okay, if something is different about him- because he KNOWS. He practically senses the literal change in Dean's soul.

He knows this is bad news before Dean himself realizes how in over his head he is.

But while Cas asking if Dean is okay when we know he's not is enough for some people, it's not what gets me about this scene.

It's When Dean goes to touch Cas's shoulder, to reassure his angel that, Yes, he is okay, but Cas STOPS HIM. 

AND THE LOOK.

THE LOOK ON CASTIEL'S FACE.

WHEN HE KNOWS.

The utter look of betrayal on Cas's face when he grabs Dean's wrist, staring at the hunter like he's completely transformed right before his eyes. Time slows down.

And Dean is confused. He doesn't understand why Cas doesn't want him to touch him, and he's almost a little bit offended by it, because Cas is one of the very few people Dean is affectionate with. 

They share little touches like that throughout the WHOLE series- hugs, resting their hands on each other's shoulders, wrapping an arm around the other- all kinds of small moments that show you how much their relationship means.

But when Cas rejects Dean's touch, their whole tone shifts. Because at that moment, it clicks with Cas, and he understands why Dean has felt so different to him lately. And he never expected Dean to have the Mark, was never prepared for it. And that's why his facial expression hits me so hard. The combination of shock, and betrayal, and the heartache reminder that Dean cares so little about himself that he'd agree to have the Mark in the first place.

His mild concern over Dean switches to pure worry at that moment, and it shakes Castiel to his very core.

But at the moment Cas grabs his wrist, he's still not sure. There's still a tiny piece of him that wonders, hopes, that Dean didn't go through with it. That he's just being paranoid, and there's nothing different about the Winchester.

But Cas also knows better, so he yanks up Dean's sleeve, having to be sure, and he has his worst fears confirmed.

And there's a moment where the realization hits Cas. Where it really sinks in that Dean did this, that he took on something as horrible as the Mark, and didn't even bother to tell Cas about it. 

But a bigger part of Cas, the part of his heart that's hurting so bad, isn't surprised. He knows that Dean doesn't care about himself- that his own life, that means so much to so many- means nothing to Dean. He sighs, for this is something Cas has grown to expect with Dean, especially after all the Winchesters have done in the past. So he says the first thing that comes to his mind.

"Dammit, Dean."

Dammit Dean. Because he cannot believe Dean would do this- that he has that low an opinion of himself. Because no matter what Cas does, no matter what he tries; nothing he does can ever raise Dean's self esteem. And Cas hates himself for that. He hates not being able to show Dean how much he means to everyone- how much his life matters to Sam, and to Cas, and to dozens of others.