Destiel One-shots

Who Randomly Did Who

It was, for once, a day off for Team Free Will, and they took the time to kick back, relax, and drink a few beers with their new friend Mick Davies.

Well, ALMOST friend. They didn't trust him THAT much.

But Mick was still a person they could hang out and chat with.

"I have to ask." Mick declared at one point. "How do you do it?" Dean sipped his beer.

"Do what?" He questioned.

"The British Men of Letters have been keeping tabs on you two for over a decade." Mick explained. "And at one point, they literally threw a party because someone found out that you had sold your soul, and would be dead within the year, so we didn't have to deal with you two anymore." 

Sam and Dean glared at him. 

"But," Mick went on. "Just as they were about to close their tabs on you, bang! You're back! You were dead- we have a physical record you being officially dead, and yet, all of a sudden, you're back. And it KEPT HAPPENING. We thought something was seriously wrong with our contacts over here, kept hearing that you'd been shot, or thrown into Lucifer's cage, or stabbed, or sent to Purgatory, or- someone said Dean died in the shower once, even. And yet, you were never dead when we checked. How do you do it?"  Sam and Dean snickered slightly. 

"Yeah, all that stuff happened." Dean agreed. "Hell, tacos killed me once."

"I killed you once." Sam mentioned casually, sipping his drink and gaining Cas's attention. "With an ax."

"Yep. We died all those times. But it was kinda boring, being dead," Dean went on. "It didn't stick, so we came back."

"You.....came back." Mick repeated. "Just like that?"

"Yeah."

".....Seriously?"

"Seriously."

"It's THAT easy?" Cas scowled.

"It's actually quite difficult." He grumbled.

"So you two, who have endangered and saved the world more times then I can count, the two guys who work with vampire, werewolves, angels, and demons on a daily basis- can just come back from the dead whenever you want?"

"Hey," Dean objected. 

"We don't work with demons." The Winchesters said in unison. Cas and Mick stared at them.

"......Of course." Mick insisted. "You just sleep with them."

"WHAT!" Cas exclaimed.

"That happened ONE time." Sam declared. Dean raised an eyebrow. "....Okay, more like twice-" Dean shot his brother a look. ".....Okay A LOT, alright!"

"Gabriel's gonna be so mad." Cas grinned.

"At least I don't sleep with angels." Sam shot back.

"One angel." Dean began. "I sleep with ONE angel, and the world goes crazy."

"Just one?" Cas echoed. "Aren't you forgetting someone?" Dean paused, thinking.

".....oh-OH! Right! Abby!" 

"Anna." Cas corrected.

"Yeah, her too!"

".....Wow."

"You both forgot to mention the supernatural threesomes." Mick added, causing all three of them to raise their eyes.

"I have no idea what you're talking about." Dean said instantly. "Let's go, Cas."

"You mean you forgot about you, Castiel, and Benny, was it?" Mick asked, causing Sam to gasp. 

"BENNY?!?"

"No, it was Crowley! Get your facts right!" Dean shot back, his eyes widening as he realized what he said.  Sam let out a scream.

"Eh, angel and a King of hell." Mick went on. "Surely that means nothing to the guy who was the middle man in Lucifer's Cage, caught up in Michael and Lucifer's fun." Dean gasped.

"LUCIFER???? And MICHAEL?????!?!"

"Hey YOU DID CROWLEY!"

"At least I dated him first!"

"You WHAT?!?" Cas and Sam exploded.

"Oh shut up Cas, you dated him too."

"For like ten minutes!"

"Still!"

"Yeah, well...." Cas paused, trying to think of something else to shoot back at him. "I slept with Hannah when you were a demon!" Dean gasped, wincing like he'd been shot.

"How DARE you?"

"Bitch please, at least I didn't screw the King of Hell as a demon pawn!"

"HANNAH?!?!?" Sam yelled out. "NO!"

"Shut it, Sam, like you didn't fuck Gabriel at least once."

"ONE TIME, when I was DRUNK!"

"Suuuuure." Cas rolled his eyes. "That's not what he said."

"Dammit Gabe!"

They continued arguing, and Mick rolled his eyes, pulling out his phone to send a text.

Hey Mary, Wazzup?

Nothing. What's up? Mary replied.

I may have started a war between your sons and their angel friend.

WHAT DID YOU DO?

Just mentioned who slept with who and let them fall apart on their own.

Mick, if Dean and Castiel break up because of this....

Doubt it. Those two are inseparable.

Duh........ Who'd they sleep with anyway?

Together? Crowley and a vamp named Benny.

CROWLEY?!?!?

Yeah. And Sam slept with Satan.

........So this is what happens when children lose their mother to a demon at a young age.