Destiel One-shots

Jimmy NO.

Jimmy Novak and Castiel were one and the same. Sure, Cas was possessing Jimmy's body and had full control over it, but Jimmy still got a mental say. The two could talk to each other, and they did occasionally. Normally, they got along, but there were a few issues that Cas and Jimmy just never quite agreed on.

One of those issues, to Cas's dismay, was the Winchesters.

"I don't understand why you like Dean so much," Jimmy insisted. Cas fought back a groan. Why couldn't Jimmy understand that Dean was special? He meant so much to Cas, and yet Jimmy kept trying to nudge him in a different direction.

"Why not go for Sam instead?" Jimmy suggested. "He's taller, stronger, more handsome...."

"Jimmy, no." Cas shot back. "We like Dean, remember?" He could practically feel the human roll his eyes.

"Dean Schmean. He's more obsessed with strippers and potluck dinners then he ever will be with you. But Sam, on the other hand, he'd treat you right."

"Jimmy, No." Cas said sternly. "And you're wrong. Dean could love me, and I think you're forgetting that all of Sam's girlfriends died."

"Yeah, but you wouldn't be his girlfriend- you'd be his BOYfriend."

"Jimmy. No. We like Dean."

"YOU like Dean. I think we should tap Sam instead."

"Jimmy NO. The only Winchester we're tapping is Dean."

"But what about Saaaaammmmmm?"

"Jimmy, SHUT UP. Gabriel likes Sam, he's off limits."

"Screw that, Gabriel can have Dean, and we can spend some time climbing that tall drink of water and-"

"JIMMY NO."

"What? You don't wanna?"

"I want Dean, not Sam!"

"Yeah, well, the body you're using was mine first, so I call the shots on who you sleep with."

"That is NOT fair!"

"Yeah, well neither is the fact that you stole my body in the first place."

"Excuse you, but you GAVE me this body."

"Well if I had known you were gonna pass up on a triple decker sundae for frozen yogurt, I never would have let you borrow my meatsuit."

"Okay, that's it mister, I'm not talking to you anymore."

"You can ignore me all you want, Castiel, but you can't shut me up!" Cas rolled his eyes.

On and on Jimmy badgered him, and it eventually became too much for the angel to handle, especially when he was in the same room as both Dean and Sam.

"Just go talk to him. Talk to him, Castiel. Talk to and seduce the moose. Hey, that kinda rhymes. Seduce the moose, Seduce the moose, SEDUCE THE MOOSE."

On and on he chanted, Cas growing more and more annoyed with every passing second.

"Cas, you okay?" Dean finally asked.

"Oh just kill him and screw his brother." Jimmy called.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP JIMMY!!!" Castiel yelled out. "I DON'T CARE WHICH WINCHESTER YOU WANT ME TO SCREW WITH- I'M PICKING BECAUSE IT'S MY BODY NOW AND MY CHOICE!!!" 

It was only after the declaration that Cas realized he'd said it out loud, and that Dean and Sam were staring at him.

"Good luck screwing around with either of them now," Jimmy insisted.

"Oh, you are sooooooo going to suffer for this James Novak."