Destiel One-shots

"I love you"

MAJOR MASSIVE SPOILERS FOR 15X18 'DESPAIR'

DO NOT PROCEED PAST THIS POINT IF YOU HAVE NOT SEEN THE EPISODE IN ITS ENTIRETY.

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"I love you... Goodbye Dean."

"I love you... Goodbye Dean."

"I love you... Goodbye Dean."

I didn't say it back.

Dean stood in the hallway of the bunker, the weight of realization finally crashing down on him as Cas's final words echoed in his head. It had taken him ages to finally crawl up off the dungeon's floor, to dry his eyes and avoid looking at the bloody handprint on his shoulder, the reminder of a scar left so long ago.

But he had gotten up. He had yelled at his legs to move, to carry him out of that room, out into the hallway, away, away from where it had all gone down.

Away from where Cas, tears in his eyes and smiling, had died.

But it was only now, in an empty hallway, that Dean realized that he hadn't said it back.

"I love you... Goodbye Dean."

He hadn't told Cas he loved him. He hadn't said goodbye. He hadn't said anything.

In the moment he hadn't known what he wanted to say. What was there? Cas, even as an angel, had always been better at words than he was. It was like him to give a great big beautiful speech that Dean had no clue how to respond to.

But he wanted to. He wanted to say it all. He wanted to tell Cas that he wasn't the only one who changed, that Cas had changed him too, Cas had made him care, Cas had made him discover and admit to things he had pushed away for so long.

Cas was always there for him, and he hadn't been around long enough for Dean to tell him how much that meant.

There just hadn't been time. Dean knew that was a lousy fucking excuse, but there hadn't. By the time Cas's words hit his brain, Billie and the Empty were there and it was all over. It had been too fast, just-

Just too fast.

Dean's phone continued to ring in his pocket, Sam calling every minute. Something must have gone wrong. Dean knew he should answer. He should pick up the phone, take care of Sam and Jack, solve the problem, and tell them to come home; but he couldn't.

He just didn't have it in him to face Sam right now. To tell him and Jack what had happened.

What was he supposed to tell them anyways? That Cas sacrificed himself? That Cas had been in love with him, apparently for years, and Dean had been too slow and stupid to blurt out "I LOVE YOU TOO," before the Empty took him forever?

What were they going to think?

What was SAM going to think?

So Dean did nothing. He gave in, just for a little while, collapsing in the hallway, sobbing against a wall for the second time that day. He just couldn't do it.

Not right now.

Sam and Jack returned a few hours later, panicked until they located Dean, and then panicked twice as much.