Destiel One-shots

If The Pizza Man Truly Loves His Babysitter....

"BENJAMIN J. SHURLEY IS AN ASSBUTT!" Cas yelled out.

"Again," Charlie said calmly, sipping a glass of wine.

"BENJAMIN SHURLEY IS THE STUPIDEST, UGLIEST, MOST PATHETIC PIECE OF TRASH IN THE WORLD!"

"Feels good, doesn't it?" Charlie asked. Cas nodded, taking a drink from his beer and trying to ignore the current program on Charlie's TV.

Benjamin Shurley was Cas's new ex-boyfriend. The pair had been dating for a few months, and Cas thought things were going well, until today, when he walked in on Benjamin cheating on him.

So even though Cas was thoroughly pissed off, the break up still stung. Benjamin had been nice, and Cas had liked him a lot. 

So Cas did the only logical thing one could do when they experienced a break up. He called his best friend, who happened to be Charlie, and told her everything.

Charlie demanded he show up at her apartment immediately while she made a supply run for ice cream and booze.

Now, three hours of sad movies and ice cream wallowing later, Cas had to agree with Charlie that Benjamin J. Shurley was an asshole who didn't know what he had just thrown away. 

Yelling that fact only helped confirm it.

"Now what?" Cas asked. He was partially buzzed, Charlie had downed an entire bottle of wine, and they'd been through at least three cheesy romance movies.

"Now......" Charlie thought for a moment. "We should totally put on Taylor Swift and dance around."

"Or we could sit here and see what else is on TV,"

"We should order pizza."

"YES."

"Do they sell liquor at pizza places?"

"Not if you're getting delivery."

"Eh, oh well. What kinda pizza do you want?"

"Don't care."

"......DUDE."

"What?"

"GUMMY BEAR PIZZA."

"Don't think they make that."

"Then let's get a cheese pizza and PUT GUMMY BEARS ON IT."

"....Perfect."

So Charlie ordered a pizza and they flipped through the TV channels even though nothing was on.

"Turn to channel 394," Charlie ordered.

"Why?"

"Because Severus Snape demands it."

".....Good enough for me." Cas punched in the number and they clicked on the channel, freezing instantly as a rather explicit scene zapped onto the screen.

"Oh my god," Charlie's eyes widened.

"OH MY GOD," Cas repeated.

"SNAPE GAVE US THE NUMBER FOR THE PORN CHANNEL!" Cas burst out laughing.

"I'll change it,"

"NO!"

"....Why, do you want to watch porn?"

"Well, I mean, that chick's kinda hot."

"Which chick- oh sweet Merthur that dude's hot."

"We're leaving the porn on."