Destiel One-shots

Castiel and TV

"Dean, can I slap a horrible human being?" Cas's voice announced.

Dean paused in confusion. Sam and Dean had left Cas alone in the bunker while they went out on a case. Before they left, Dean had shown him how to work the TV and told him to call if there was an emergency.

ONLY if there was an emergency.

And instead, Cas had called, declaring that he wanted to slap someone.

"Hold on, WHO do you want to slap?" Dean questioned.

"I believe his name is Simon Cowell. I don't like him Dean. I don't like him at all." Dean fought back a laugh.

"Cas, why do you hate Simon Cowell?"

"Because this little girl came up to the stage and sang her heart out, and it was beautiful, and that assbutt said she was garbage! He deserves to be punished!"

".....Cas, are you watching America's Got Talent?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because I am very mad at Gordon Ramsey and we are not speaking anymore."

"What do you have against Gordon Ramsey- he's awesome!"

"He is not! He yells at everyone and uses nothing but profanity. He criticizes other peoples cooking, and yet we never see him cook anything himself!"

"Cas, he's such a great chef that we don't HAVE to see him cook."

"Well, I've never tasted his cooking, so how do I know if he's any good?"

"Because he's Gordon Ramsey, Cas."

"That doesn't mean he gets to yell at people!"

"Yes, it does."

"...Perhaps he should go on Beat Bobby Flay. Then we could see how good of a chef he is."

"Cas, how much Food Channel have you been watching?"

"Several days worth. But Rachel Ray's recipes are not easy to follow."

"Oh god, Cas, have you been trying to cook?"

"Yes. But no one ever makes pie, and I don't know how else to find a recipe for pie, so I haven't made you one."

"What HAVE you made?"

"Well, I attempted Chicken Pot Pie, but then it caught fire."

"Cas."

"Yes Dean?"

"Stay out of my kitchen, and stop watching the Food Channel."

"Then what should I watch?"

"I don't know- put on Game of Thrones or something."

"Is Simon Cowell in this Game of Thrones?"

"No, now unless there's an emergency, can you wait until I come back to talk about this?"

"But you never answered my question."

"What question?"

"Can I slap Simon Cowell?"

"...Cas, you can slap Simon and punch Gordon Ramsey in the face if you really want to. Just don't hurt the Kardashians."

"I have no intention of harming the living Barbie dolls, Dean, don't worry."

"Okay. Bye Cas."

"Goodbye Dean."

The next day, TMZ was in an uproar about the crazy blue-eyed man that had bitchslapped Simon Cowell and him an assbutt before strangely disappearing.