Destiel One-shots

Just Answer The Question, Dean.

"Hey Dean!" Charlie bounced into the library of the bunker. "I need you to answer a question for me."

"Okay," Dean agreed, not even glancing up from his laptop.

"So, I've noticed that most hunters are about as sexually frustrated as men that were just released from prison, so I'm taking a tally of their preferences- what's your sexuality?" Dean's head shot up.

"Um....what?" He questioned.

"Hunters are statistically sexually frustrated, I've done the research, buddy. Do you know how many people attending strip clubs are hunters?"

"Okay, please stop."

"Yeah, it's weird," Charlie agreed, flipping through a notebook. "So I just need to record your sexuality. I'm trying to do another survey. I've already gotten Sam, Jack, and Mary's responses, so you're next."

"Uh, I'm straight." Dean offered. Charlie laughed.

"No, seriously." Dean raised an eyebrow.

"I'm straight." He repeated. "I like girls."

"No you're not." Charlie confirmed. "It's nothing to be ashamed of, I won't judge, I just want the honest answer-"

"Charlie, that is the honest answer." The redhead raised an eyebrow.

"Bullshit, bitch, I've seen the way you look at Cas."

"Cas has nothing to do with this!"

"Uh huh. And you had a male siren, I have evidence from Sam of you flirting with at least two dudes- should we call up Aaron and let him explain to you how you're not straight? Buddy, I know rainbow slinkies that are straighter then you are." Dean scowled.

"Fine. Whatever. But I'm not gay!"

"So you're not gay and ready to slay?"

"No."

"Then are you a bi guy?"

"No!"

"A pan fan?"

"No."

"An ace case?"

"Why-"

"A demi emmy?"

"Charlie-"

"Trans with plans?"

"NO."

"A queer deer?"

"STOP."

"An omni romney?"

"What even is-"

"Angelsexual?"

"What the fuck-"

"Oh come on, Dean, I know you've screwed at least two angels."

"ONE."

"Oooooo, what about-"

"Let's just go back to bi."

"Hell no, I've got it. You're pie-sexual." Dean paused.

"What....What is that?" He asked.

"Bisexuals and pansexuals coming together to form piesexuals." Dean blinked.

"Yep, that's me, mark it down." Charlie wrote it down, and then Dean snagged the notebook.

"Hey!" Charlie insisted.

"Shush, I wanna see what Sam's answer was."

"He's pan, dude."

"Wait what?"

"Yeah, he has a boyfriend." Dean thought for a second.

"That motherfucker-" He swore, standing up. "SAMUEL WINCHESTER, IF YOU'RE DATING GABRIEL AGAIN, I SWEAR TO CHUCK."