Do you belive in forever? (Max Verstappen)

Chapter 69

After a disappointing race weekend for Max, I went to Munich today to take part in the meeting. Admittedly, I felt more than uncomfortable as I felt like I was lying to everyone, even though I only had two little secrets in me. You couldn't see anything yet and I didn't feel ready to talk about it yet. Nevertheless, I had the feeling that I was lying to everyone.

Tired, I stretched out from my office chair: "Did Max rob you of sleep? You look like you couldn't sleep for nights." How nice Jenny was, but I had looked really bad because I hadn't slept much since Friday. I was constantly startled out of sleep because I had a nightmare. Sometimes something had happened to the babies in their dreams and another time Max had a bad accident.

"After yesterday's race, I didn't get much sleep. With the Unsaferealise God knows what could have happened. Throughout the night I kept imagining scenarios of what could have happened... I don't know if I can comment if Something can happen to Max," this question had actually burned into my head. Not because of the almost accident the day before, but because of my nightmares.

Jenny looked at me worried and yet surprised by the since as we walked to the elevator together: "I thought you could handle it, you said you could separate it. While commenting, you wouldn't do anything other than your job, so what happened that you can't do it anymore." I didn't have such a correct answer to her question, because I didn't know it myself. Maybe it was the fact that I was pregnant or only yesterday I felt how bad it could be when something happened.

"Yesterday he was lucky and nothing happened, yet my heart had stopped beating for a second. So how would my body react if it was no longer lucky? I could never watch Max go to his death," Jenny seemed to notice that there was still something in the bush. But either she knew it was the wrong place or time to ask further, so she let it be.

Downstairs at the canteen, we both grabbed something to eat and sat down at a table: "Have you already talked to Max about your fears ? He will certainly be able to help you, as he can best explain to you how little risk he takes." Max never took little risk, I was aware of that at the beginning. But now I had three hearts in me that needed him to live, without him I could never make it.

"I didn't want to bother him unnecessarily, as soon as the problems have come, they will leave again," the fears would not disappear so quickly. Because I wasn't even afraid that I would have to watch him die in the worst case. I was afraid that my children would have to grow up without a father and that I might lose my great love.

Since I didn't feel like thinking about it anymore: "What did I miss here?" Jenny looked at me in amazement, as I probably wanted to avoid more than obvious further questions. In the last two days after my hospital visit, I had to put up with too many questions and lie to me dear people. Being pregnant was not even half as beautiful as many said, it only brought me problems. I didn't even want to imagine what my grandma would do when she found out about it.

"Did you get bad news in the hospital? Wasn't it because of too little water?", officially we had justified my collapse. At my age, it was nothing unnatural to faint because you had drunk too little.

Tired, I smiled at my colleague and forced myself to bite into my burger: "All the best, I should just drink water more often and do without Red Bull in the near future." Internally, I had to pull myself together so as not to vomit. In the burger it had bacon and bacon with coffee among the things I could not even smell at the moment without feeling a nausea.

One moment I found the pregnancy to be something beautiful and the next moment I just had to cry because I was afraid. Fear of my future and what I will lose because of the two. My family would certainly turn their backs on me, maybe this was even good for my psyche, but I was a family man. Even if they destroyed me to some extent, I also needed my family, but this time they would probably not help me.