Do you belive in forever? (Max Verstappen)

Chapter 29

Behind Ralf and Thomas, I hoped to get to the cabins quickly without meeting anyone. My day was shit enough, I didn't need the pity or encouraging words from the drivers who reminded me of what had happened last night.

Sandra, who walked beside me, looked at me again and again critically: "Since when are you so quiet? That's not because of getting up earlier than usual." Of course, it wasn't because of it, but I didn't want to talk about it. Actually, I wanted to put the cursed weekend behind me and fly home. This time I did not fly directly home, but to Munich.

"The painkiller doesn't quite work yet, which is unbearable along with sleep deprivation. But that's going to happen as soon as I'm in the cabin," I tried to use my injuries as an excuse. Since the accident costs me a fortune, I can probably use it as an excuse.

Sandra looked at me slightly anxious: "You shouldn't take the pain lightly; they could also be a warning sign. Maybe you should stop by the medical center, they can certainly look at your hand." I refused thankfully, because my hand was fine as far as a bruise was concerned.

I had never looked forward to the narrow little room as much as I am today. It seemed like a rescue for me, because there in there I wouldn't be able to meet Max directly. My heart wanted to see him, but my mind knew it was just breaking my heart again. He had draw the line for himself, even if I didn't want to, I should just accept it. Even if it was difficult and painful.

Like a machine, I first took out a note and then made myself comfortable. I looked emotionless past the monitors to the public gallery. In fact, I felt exhausted and flappy , not physically, but mentally. Thinking seemed to deprive my body of strength and that I couldn't think clearly, it didn't make it any better. Actually, I didn't want to think about it and just keep going, unfortunately it was already too late for that.

"Maybe you should really go to the medical center if you have problems. I can also comment on the training alone," Ralf had looked at me from the side. Again, I wanted to shake my head, but Ralf was not as indulgent as Sandra.

Asked, Ralf looked at me: "If it calms you down, I'll go after this unit, but I'm certainly not going to go now. It's going to work, after all, I just need to sit and talk." While the F1 expert and I were now discussing my unnecessary visit to the doctor, Sandra was almost finished with her pre-recording. Just in time we heard The Countdown from Thomas.

"Good morning, ladies and gentlemen, also of me and Ralf Schumacher. It's nice that you've already got up or probably haven't found their way to bed yet. The first training starts right here in Shanghai, in good conditions, even if the sky is a bit dark. But that could just be the smoke. But for the weather they didn't turn on, so the question to you Ralf, what do you expect this weekend?", professionally as if nothing I looked at the monitors.

Even though Ralf would have liked to have taken me personally to the medical building, he also did his job professionally: "A warm welcome from me too. To your question Hanna, I think we can adjust to a Mercedes domain. Although the Silver Arrows may not be unpacking their entire package in training, it will be difficult for Ferrari and Red Bull to keep up at the latest from qualifying."

"So, my chances of winning are very good, I think I'll only take the two Mercedes drivers for the whole season, then I'll never lose the bet," I joked.

Ralf looked at me amused: "The race hasn't raced yet." The man, who is more than twice as old, was right. But I was full of confidence that, without losing, I would come through the year to the matter with the World Cup champion. There I would have wanted to take Hamilton, but unfortunately Leon had already taken it, and so I almost had to take Max.

He just popped up on the monitors as he is getting ready to get into the car. Everything in me pulled together and for a second I felt my heart had stopped beating. I wanted to stay professional, so I forced myself to comment on the picture. Even if I hardly heard myself and if only through cotton wool.

Since Ralf was talking, I wanted to reach for my bottles. But my hand was shaking incredibly hard, so it was hard for me to take it. Ralf, who noticed the thing, seemed really worried. I didn't believe that Max's rejection was so bad for me, but every fiber of my body had fallen into disrepair and was now mourning him.

I pulled myself together and managed to grab the bottle. Furthermore, I quickly removed the lid and put the bottle on my lips. Likewise, I quickly tipped down the contents, which had awakened my body. The feeling of being dazed disappeared, and I felt normal again. As normal as you could feel with love grief.

As if nothing had happened, I continued to comment and just focused myself to concentrate on my job. I didn't notice that Ralf had been watching me from the side all the time. I just stared at the monitors, where you could just see Vettel's Ferrari, which was on the best-time course.

Slightly exhausted, I put off the headphones and took a deep breath. It had been a strenuous 1 1/2 hours, because you couldn't take a break and you were talking almost continuously. So, I emptied the second water bottle and wanted to make my way to the canteen.

"Where are you going?" the voice of Ralf sounded behind me. Terrified, I turned around and looked at my colleague standing in the door of the press building. I, on the other hand, had already stepped on the paddock and walked in the direction of the canteen.

Confused, I looked at the German, because I didn't understand what he wanted from me: "To the canteen, where else? We only have a good 1 1/2 hours until we are back on air, so where else should I go?" Shaking his head Ralf came to me and seemed to have a different plan for me.

"You my love are now going to the medical center and letting you be examined; the tremor was not normal. So that you don't get carried away, I'll accompany you," I looked at him with raised eyebrows.

I was slightly annoyed at what you could hear from my snippy undertone: "You're not my father, and I'm great, I don't need an investigation. I'm about to turn 20, I can take care of myself very well and know when I need a doctor and when Not."

'Hanna you're not playing with health; you had an accident a week ago, and you could have late consequences. If you don't miss anything, it's going to be a short thing. But before you do this investigation, I personally make sure you're not allowed in the microphone," I snorted angrily. Like a small child, I once punched into the floor and hurriedly started walking in the direction of the medical center.

Although I was much smaller than Ralf, he struggled to follow me when I just ran over the paddock. I just wanted to get it behind me quickly and prove to Ralf that I was doing well. Actually, I wasn't doing well because my heart was broken, and my body was on withdrawal from my drug. Love and the closeness of a person could really be like a drug, when they were no longer there, you just felt miserable.

Blind with anger, I didn't notice how I walked straight into the person I didn't want to see anymore. That's exactly how Max was able to hold me, so I wasn't lumped on the floor. How petrified we looked into each other's eyes and seemed to see each other's pains.

Max POV

I just wanted to go into my room to just be alone. Charles, Pierre, Antonio and Carlos hadn't left me alone yesterday and not this morning. They couldn't understand me just like Daniel, he had already made me a bad conscience this morning. But I had made this decision not for myself, but for her, she should be happy with her job, which I could cost her.

Her otherwise sparkling eyes looked at me sadly, I could feel her pain, because I had it too. Of course, my decision had hurt me as well and my heart hurt, but it was the right one. But watching the pain in her eyes was a slap in the face. So, I had forgotten everything, even Christian who had gone behind me.

"why are you in such a hurry?" I broke away from her. I kept my eyes on the floor because I didn't want to see her pain anymore, so as not to get caught up in my decision. After all, I never wanted to see Hanna with such a look, certainly not because of me.

Hanna heard a snort: "To the medical center, otherwise Ralf won't let me in front of the microphone. He wants me to be investigated." At the moment panic crept up in me, wasn't she doing well?

"You know exactly why, I want that. You couldn't even grab your bottle before, your hand was shaking so tightly," I looked at the Swiss woman worried. She didn't look at me and turned to her colleague.

Christian, who knew Hanna only fleetingly, also looked at her a little worried: "If that's the case, you should probably get yourself checked out really quickly. You shouldn't play with your health, especially if you've had an accident.' Hanna only twisted her eyes, as she thought it was exaggerated, but I was in the opinion of Ralf and Christian.

As Ralf went on with Hanna, I saw them shortly after: "You should invite them on a date if you are already looking at her." I was surprised to see my team leader. He looked at me cheerfully, because he didn't know anything about Hanna and my drama, I didn't take the comment badly, but ignored it.

Without saying anything else, I just disappeared into my room, where my food was ready. I wasn't starving anymore because I was worried about Hanna. What if you had missed something in the hospital and maybe even died. As dramatic as the scenes in my head were, so less could and wanted me to eat.

To get Hanna out of my mind, I took out my phone, where I noticed a message from my sister. Since she had planned the date together with Hanna, I didn't want to talk to her at the moment, because our conversation would only be about that. Without thinking too much about it, I went on Instagram.

There I scrolled through my timeline and liked a picture from time to time. I stopped at one of Hanna's, which she had done yesterday before the shooting of Lewis. Her eyes sparkled in the picture as I liked her. Lewis was standing next to her, but didn't touch her, which reassured me. I shouldn't care, and if she found someone new, I'd be happy for her, but, could I?

I stared at the screen, I had forgotten the time, so I was slightly frightened when I was knocked against the door. The break was already over, and I was expected to keep up with Mercedes and Ferrari. Whether I could do this, I wasn't sure, not until I knew if Hanna was doing well. But I couldn't write to her and ask for her, not after last night.

Since Lando coped well with me, I wrote to him, because I hope he knew more. The Briton's response came very quickly, that he knew nothing, but he had just seen Hanna. This reassured me so much that I was able to concentrate on my job again.

I made my way to the box to get ready for the 2nd training session. Even if she would never know, I wanted to ride the best lap for Hanna, because she only deserved the best. Before I sank into my tunnel out of concentration, I thought again of all the people who were important to me, Victoria, my little brothers, my parents and even if I didn't want to, Hanna. For all of them, I had to come back into the box and still give my best.

Immersed in my tunnel, I climbed into my car and just waited for me to get on the track. My driving style has always been described as aggressive, because I often let out my feelings, as I do today. Although I was highly concentrated, with each round I felt freer and better. Until I felt free of any emotion.

Happy Eastern! Joyeuse Pâques! Buona Pasqua! Kellemes Húsvéti Ünnepeket! Schöne Ostern! - Xxx Fabi