Do you belive in forever? (Max Verstappen)

Chapter 129

Even when our men were gone, we continued to sit on the ground between the motorhomes and couldn't believe it. How could one comprehend something that could not be comprehended by man? He just wasn't here anymore and we still were.

With my right hand I stroked my stomach, where I felt the butterfly sensations again, i.e. at least one of the children moved. They probably sensed as much as I did that something had happened.

"You shouldn't race here tomorrow," Jessi was the first. She had uttered the sound that each of us had been thinking. None of us could come to terms with the idea that tomorrow our men would race over the spot where a comrade, friend and son had died today.

"I hope they're sensible for once," Charlotte said, "at least they've gotten the drivers to make decisions with them." This was more than could be expected from the FIA. They would be in favor of performing anyway. But I didn't know what the guys would decide. Even with Charles, I could imagine that he wanted to drive. Just as he had done after his father's death.

Since it wasn't in our hands, I didn't want to talk about it any further: "On Thursday he was still sitting with us at dinner and now he's dead." No matter how many times I had the thought and said, my head couldn't really realize it.

"We couldn't know, no one could," Jessi replied. She wasn't quite right, we are lulled into a false sense of security. No one is safe in the sport, it could have and could meet anyone. It's a dangerous sport, we've been reminded of that today.

After a while of silence again, our men returned: "Come on, Hanna, we're leaving. Time to eat and sleep so we're ready for tomorrow." Perplexed, I had just followed Max's instructions and put my hand in his. The words hadn't reached me until we had walked a few meters.

"Are you serious!", I was a bit horrified, "You want to race, not even a day after Anthoine died? Who's going to die tomorrow?" Actually, I had seen it coming and could understand it somewhere, but fear had me in its grip. The fear of losing Max.

"No one is going to die and we are doing it for Anthoine. He would have wanted it that way, he loved the sport," he tried to reassure me. We were in the middle of the paddock and he didn't want me to draw more attention to us because I burst into tears. And I was really close to it.

My hormones shot back into my head: "How do you know that? Or did you know before that Anthoine is dying today? You never know when and who will be next. Especially when it was shown today that the track is not safe!"

"It's all going to be fine," he grabbed me by both shoulders, "Calm down, everything will be fine. I can't promise you, but I'll do everything I can to make sure nothing happens. It's going to be a normal race tomorrow without any in-between cases." I wasn't really reassured, so I freed myself from his grip.

Instead, I pressed my face against his chest, "I don't want to lose you, you're my better side." I felt Max push me a little closer to him and stroke my back as he pressed light kisses on my head.

"You'll never lose me," he whispered between kisses. I was sure that we now had the attention of everyone who was still here. Even though I was about to feel embarrassed, at that moment I was just happy to be in the safe arms of my boyfriend. You never know when it will be the last time.

When I had calmed down, Max had put his capi on me and pulled it deep into my face. As long as I had my gaze on the ground, my face was protected from prying eyes. Only when Max had left the area in the direction of the hotel, I had dared to drop them off.

Max's hand found mine on my thigh, as he could only steer the car with one hand. I loved the gesture because he gave me support with it. Hold in a new sea of shards of my life. The illusion of safety in motorsport had collapsed in me and with it a torrent of fear had hit me.