In Another Life

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The others were still laughing a little, and Sam was even wiping his eyes. He put his hand on Colby's shoulder and pointed at Sarah. "I fucking love her." Kat clasped her hands to her chest, as she looked around the room at all of us. "Oh I'm really gonna miss you guys. You have to come out to LA! I can show you around, and we can go shopping, and just have a girl's day. You guys will love Devyn, and the rest of the girls! Say you'll come!" We agreed but, in reality, we knew that we weren't. She knew it too. We didn't have the money for that, and it just wasn't logical. I had a job and a life, no matter how crappy it was, back in Georgia. The other girls did too. This would probably be the only time we saw them unless we made it back to Playlist again next year and they came. Who knows what we would be doing in a years time? What our lives would be like? We weren't kids anymore and time changes everything. I knew I should've probably been laughing and talking with everyone else as the time drew closer, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. The closer it got to the time for them to leave, the more I felt my heart splinter. I knew that he said he would keep in touch, but what did that really mean? He had already told me that he couldn't make me any promises. He was upfront about that. Maybe we would facetime a little, or text, but it wouldn't last. Eventually, he would fall back into the routine of his LA life and I would be just a memory. Maybe he would come across my fan page every now and again, and think of me. While I continued to watch him every single week, living my boring life, dreaming about my stolen time with him, he would be going to parties, hanging out with his friends, making videos, traveling, living an amazing life. I was grateful for the time he had given me, for the amazing moments, and the memories that I would treasure forever, but I was going to miss him so fucking much. I felt the tears sting my eyes again, as he pressed his last folded shirt into his suitcase, and zipped it, his eyes catching mine. He gave me a small, sad smile, then looked at Sam. Sam nodded at him, and picked up his own suitcase. It was time. "The Uber should be waiting for us to take us to the airport. You guys ready?" Sam asked. Kat picked up her things, and nodded. Colby looked back at me, and shook his head. "Not really, but I don't have a choice," he sighed. Colby walked towards me and took my hand in his, pulling his suitcase with the other. "Walk us down?" he asked, that sad, clouded look still in his blue eyes. I nodded, and bit my lip to distract myself from the tears threatening to fall. I wouldn't cry. Not in front of him. Hand in hand, we walked from the room, the others in front and behind us. I watched my feet as I walked, unable to bring myself to look ahead of me. The future was foreboding and I wasn't ready for it. The only thing keeping me from bursting into tears at this moment was the feel of Colby's hand holding mine. As we got inside the elevator, he pulled me against him as tight as he could. I felt another piece of my heart splinter off, hit the ground at his feet and shatter. This wasn't fair. Life had given me what I wanted most in the world and now it was being snatched away from me, before I even had the chance to see what could happen. I was quiet the entire walk, every step taking me closer to losing him, to losing my heart. Because he had my heart. It would go with him when he left. I had no choice in the matter. It's just how it was. Once outside, I looked up and saw Sam walking towards a car that I assumed was their Uber. The car to take them to the airport and help them leave me. Taking them a million miles away from me. I hated that car and it's driver right then, no matter how illogical it was. "Hey, are you doing okay?" Colby's soft voice dragged me out of my daydreams of figuring out how to stop that car. I forced the corners of my lips up, dragging a smile from somewhere deep inside of, hoping that it seemed natural, and nodded. "I'm okay. It was fun while it lasted," I replied, trying to sound nonchalant. The thing that kept replaying in my head was him saying that he couldn't promise me anything. His face pinched a little, emotion flashing in his eyes when he heard those words. "It wasn't just fun Terra. It meant something," he replied. I shook my head, tears stinging my eyes again. I would NOT cry. "We both knew what this was going into it. It CAN'T mean more than that. I love you Colby." The words rushed out of my mouth, word vomit that I couldn't stop. As soon as I said those words, he took a step back, looking shocked and scared. "You knew I loved you. That shouldn't be a surprise. I'm a fan, remember? You didn't know me, but I knew you. I loved you before I met you. So yeah, this meant more than just fun, especially to me. I'm grateful for the time you gave me. For making my dream come true for just a little while." I stepped closer to him, and leaned in, pressing my lips to his soft cheek. "I will always love you Colby, but fun is all it can be. I'm just a fan and you're a famous YouTuber who lives far away with your amazing life. Go be amazing." His hands came down on my hips, biting into my skin as he gripped me tightly, pulling me against him, and burying his face in my neck and hair. "You're not just a fan Baby Girl. That's not true." His voice cracked a little, and my lungs felt like the air was punched right out of them. Oh, these fucking tears kept torturing me.