In Another Life

139

"DON'T touch me, don't take my hand, don't call me baby girl, or beautiful or any of that other nonsense, when you're about to drop me faster than you can remember the last girl you've slept with before last night's name," I blurted out, my voice angry, and full of hurt, cracking at the end. I hated that I was showing any emotion at all, much less pain. I knew he was going to do this, but it didn't make it any easier to deal with. I stood up, putting space between us, keeping my back to him. I knew that he was going to do this. What I didn't know was why. Was it because he just didn't want to keep me hanging on? I mean, we had never said we were dating or that we expected anything from each other. I never even questioned him about the couple of girls that I had seen in his stories or other people's stories. The nagging voice in the back of my mind kept trying to tell me it was because he was tired of me. He had his fun, now he was done. That was it. I shook my head, trying to clear that thought from my mind. That wasn't true. That wasn't who he was. The voice came back. Did I really know him? I had only kept in touch with him over the phone. This was the first time that I had even spent time with him since Florida, and we had sex both times. I reminded myself and that stupid voice that Colby had said that we could just talk or spend time together. I was the one who had chosen to take that further. I felt his arms close around me, trapping me inside his embrace, his front to my back. I couldn't stop myself from folding my own arms around his, and hanging on for dear life. I wasn't ready for this to be the end. "Terra..." his own voice cracked, full of emotion. I felt the tears that I had been holding back so forcefully, start to fall down my cheeks. "I haven't slept with anyone but you, since Florida. Please," he begged.  I turned in his arms and wrapped my arms around him, as his locked around my back, pulling me tight against him. "Colby," I sobbed into his chest. "I don't want this to be over." He hadn't slept with anyone else? But I had just assumed...since we weren't really together, and he had been hanging out with those other girls. He tightened his arms around me for another moment, then pulled back, leading me to the bed. We sat down, and he turned towards me, holding my hands in his. When I met his gaze, so full of sadness, those blue eyes glassy, I gasped out a sob, took my hand from his, and held it to my chest. The ache there was beginning to be unbearable. "I never even looked for anyone else. It was only you. Terra, I don't want to do this either, but think about it. I can't keep you just hanging on. It's not okay. I'm holding you back. I want you to live your life, not wait around every 6 months or so for me to maybe drop by. That's not a relationship and it's not a life," he said, his voice tender. He took one hand and brought it to the side of my face, brushing my hair back. Then he smiled gently. "This time with you has been one of the best times of my life. All of it. Playlist, the facetime calls, the texts, and this. This trip. I'm so happy that I got the chance to meet you and to experience this. To finally find someone that I know that I can trust. Never would've thought it would be a fan though," he said that last line thoughtfully as his forehead creased. I placed my hand over his that was on my cheek. "We can make this work Colby.You're not holding me back. I don't mind waiting on you...and I'll come to LA one day. You know that I've always wanted to move there anyway. Just please don't do this." My words were falling out of my mouth so fast. I knew that I sounded pathetic. I was being selfish because I knew, in reality, I was also holding him back. If what he said was true, then I had to stop this, but it just hurt so fucking bad. I didn't want to lose him. I took a deep breath, and waited for him to speak again. "One day, Terra, one day, you're going to move to Los Angeles and become the most well known photographer there is. But you're going to do it for yourself. Not for me. I won't be that person, even though I feel selfish enough in this moment to tell you to move right now. That I'll even pay for it," I shook my head at his words. I would never accept that. Ever. If I was going to do it, it would be on my own. I would never use Colby for his money.  He kind of chuckled at me, while I shook my head. "I knew that's how you would react. And that's part of the reason why I'm so drawn to you. You're an amazing person baby girl." I took in a shaky breath and met his gaze again. He was right and I knew he was right. I just really didn't like it. "We can't be friends," I breathed out, staring into the blue depths of his eyes. He bit his lip, and narrowed his eyes, before nodding. "I know," was all I got, but it was all I needed. It would be too hard to be friends. There was too much...whatever this was, between us. Friendship wasn't an option. Not any time soon. "Maybe after a while," he said, his voice trailing off a little. "I want you to live your life Terra. Just go back to your hometown, and do whatever it is you do. Be with your friends, go to work, have fun, live your life. But save your money." I smiled a little, then wiped the tear that was trailing down my cheek. "Save that money because I fully expect to see you again," he said, before bringing me into his arms for a hug. I hugged him back, squeezing him as close to me as I could. A knock on the door interrupted us, and Colby stood to go answer it.