In Another Life

162

I heard Denise gasp, but I didn't wait to see what Colby or Barbie girl might say. I turned and walked away, pulling Justin with me. "We still going to another club?" Neece asked. I shook my head. "No, I want to go home. I've had enough for tonight," I said, hearing my voice catch. Fuck. I had promised myself that I wouldn't let this happen to me again. Why? Why did he have to come back into my life, tonight of all nights? I was happy. I was finally happy. I had Justin, I had my friends, I had beat my addiction, and I had my dream job. So why did seeing him for the first time in three years, feel the same as it did when we said goodbye? My heart felt as if it had been ripped from my body again, leaving me in tattered shreds. I couldn't cry. I wouldn't. I loved Justin and I wouldn't let him see how badly seeing Colby had affected me. It had to just be the memories, the unfinished part of our relationship that saying goodbye when we didn't really want to, had left. I didn't still love Colby. My brain started pulling up all of the old memories, flashing them before my eyes like I was watching some sort of perverse movie that I didn't want to see. Each memory just ripped another little piece of my shredded heart. "Terra, slow down! Where are we going?" Justin's voice rang out, snapping me out of my own head. I stopped and looked around. We had taken an Uber to get there and we hadn't called one so I wasn't exactly sure where I was going. I had taken off down the sidewalk, just walking as fast as I could, to get away from the drug that was trying to pull me back in. "Terra! Wait!" No, no, no, NO! It couldn't be. Please God, don't let it be. I turned slowly and looked behind us. Colby was jogging towards us, his black jean jacket lifted out behind him from the speed. He stopped behind Sarah and Brennen, who I hadn't even realized were with us until now. "What's up man?" Brennen replied, giving Colby a half smile. Colby nodded at him, then looked back to me. I couldn't deal with this. I couldn't see his eyes, his face, his stupid hair. I couldn't...because all of it just made me want to forget everything good in my life right now and jump into his arms, begging him to take me back. I wouldn't. I refused to succumb to something that beneath me. I didn't beg. I was strong now. I had already overcome so much adversity in my life, and I would overcome whatever this was too. "Terra" he repeated my name, holding my gaze with his own. I didn't reply. "What do you want man, we're waiting on our Uber," Justin replied, stepping closer to me and gripping my hand. Colby's gaze turned hard, as they switched to Justin. "I want to talk to Terra. I'm sure she can let me know if she will talk to me or not," he replied, his voice just as hard as his gaze. Why did I like that? Oh my God, this was going to be the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. His gaze softened as it turned back to me, but it was still so intense that I could barely breathe. "Terra, please," he said softly, holding his hand out to me. Just gripped my hand even harder, his breathing speeding up. What was I supposed to do? Was I supposed to take that hand that I had wished for all those years ago to come save me? The one that never showed up? Or was I supposed to keep holding the hand that did save me, that rescued me from a life I knew would turn out to be heartbreaking, meaningless, and pathetic. I would stay with Justin. That's what any sane person would do. Tell Colby 'no, thank you' and walk away, leaving him in the past. That's what I was telling myself, even as I watched my hand reach out for his. Even as I watched my palm place itself snugly into his, and the corners of his mouth lift up just a little as he tightened his grip around my hand. What the fuck did I just do? "T, are you sure?" Justin's soft voice had me turning my head back towards him. His light green eyes were sad, and it broke my heart. "I'll be right back," I said, taking my hand from Colby's and placing it on Justin's cheek. "I promise," I continued, as I placed my lips against his in a hard kiss. I could almost swear that I heard Colby take in a sharp breath, but I was probably wrong. When I looked back to him, he had his head turned talking to Brennen, so I must have just wished that it bothered him. I really needed to get my head back on straight. I would talk to Colby then I would come back to Justin where I belonged. Justin nodded at me, then I turned and walked past Colby. "Well? Come on then," I replied, looking back at him. I couldn't help but put a little more sway into my walk, knowing that he was behind me. I didn't feel like I could compete with barbie girl, but it was worth a shot. What was I saying? I didn't want to compete with her. I didn't want him. I had Justin and I was extremely happy with him. I shook the thoughts from my head, and stopped suddenly when I thought we were far enough away from the group. Since I stopped without a warning, Colby slammed right into me, almost knocking me to the ground. "OH!" I exclaimed, feeling myself toppling over on my heels. I hated wearing heels. Colby's arms reached out and grabbed me, steadying me. His hands were on my forearms, holding me in place. "Okay," I replied, holding his gaze because I didn't have a choice. "You can let me go now." He looked down at his hands, then that sheepish expression that I used to love so much crossed his face, and he blushed slightly. "Oh," he replied, taking his hands off of me.