In Another Life

140

 A worried looking Sam stood behind the wood, tapping his foot on the concrete. "Hey, you okay?" he asked Colby, looking past him to me. I knew that I must look a mess. Same wrinkled clothes from the day before, my hair matted and misplaced because I went to bed with it still semi-wet. My red face, glassy eyes, and tear streaked cheeks just completed the look. I gave him a timid smile, but it wasn't really worth the effort. I just didn't feel it. "Yeah, I'm okay," he said, and it hurt because he really did sound okay. My heart shattered a little more. It would be amazing if I could actually believe the words that he was telling me, but my self confidence had never been high. No one wanted me for me, not even my parents so why would Colby fucking Brock? I was stupid in the first place to think that I ever meant as much to him as he did to me. That was just straight laughable...but I meant something to him, even if it wasn't the same as what he meant to me. Sam nodded, looking back at Colby. "Okay, well, we actually need to get going. It's getting late." Colby nodded back at him. "Yeah, we'll be out in a few minutes brother. We still have to pack and stuff but we'll make it quick." Sam glanced back at me for just a moment, chewed his bottom lip with his face screwed up, then back to Colby. "Okay, just...just," he sighed and ran his hand through his hair. "Just be careful," he whispered to Colby, not wanting me to hear. What did Colby have to be careful for? I was the one having my heart ripped out over here. Maybe that's what he meant. Be careful with me, because I was just so damn fragile. No! I wasn't going to let people think that way of me. I was doing being this weak, emotional little girl, that was sitting around waiting on Colby to show me any kind of attention. Fuck that. If this is what he wanted, to end it like this, to have a clean break, then that's what we were going to. Pain shot through my chest, causing me to suck in a breath. The thought of not talking to him almost every day was depressing. The thought that I may not ever talk to him again was heart wrenching. I was lost in my own head as Sam and Colby whispered a few more things to each other, then  Sam turned and left. Colby closed the door, then came and stood in front of me. He reached down and held his hand out to me. I took it, then stood, letting him hug me again. "We still have a few hours in the car. Can we just...pretend like we aren't doing this yet?" he asked quietly. "I don't want our last couple of hours to be strained and unpleasant. That's not how I want you to remember me." It could never be how I remembered him. I nodded silently, my head against his chest. "We should go finish packing," he said, pulling back. I wiped my face and nodded again. "Okay," I whispered. "Just let me to go the bathroom really quick. I went in and closed the door, before sitting on the toilet for a moment, with my head in my hands. I didn't have my makeup, I didn't even have my brush so I had to go to my room and let Denise see that I had been crying. This was great. I really didn't feel like dealing with her right now. "Uggghhh" I groaned, standing up and banging my fist on the bathroom door lightly. "You okay in there?' Colby called out. "Yeah," I replied, embarrassed that he could hear things. I leaned over the sink and splashed my face with some cold water, hoping that it would help the puffiness and maybe the redness a little. It didn't. I accepted it, and walked out of the bathroom to find Colby on his phone. "Hey, I was just asking Sam if he had enough time to throw whatever he found of mine into my suitcase. We are actually running behind schedule a little." I nodded again, without speaking. I couldn't. I wanted to be strong during this, but if he made me talk then it was going to get bad. "Is there anything that you want to say? Anything that you want to talk about before I say what I have to say?" he asked. His breathing was getting heavier and he stuttered over his words a little. He was nervous or scared. I smiled to myself, thinking about how I knew his little tell tell signs that no one else, except maybe his Sam knew about him. "No. I think that it's better if I don't say anything. Just let it be done," I replied, feeling my heart splinter just a little more in it's already battered shape. He closed his eyes for just a moment before opening them back up, and meeting my gaze. "Okay. So after today, we agree that there will be no more contact? We can't-" His voice broke and he cleared his throat, playing it off. "Anyway, we can't talk, facetime, any of that. You said we can't...be friends. And that's fine, for now, maybe easier. A clean break. That's what we need. That's the only way I'll be able to stick to it," he continued, nodding his head, looking like he was trying to convince himself. I nodded in agreement, forcing the tears filling my eyes to back up, to go away. I wouldn't cry. Not again. If this was all the time we had left, then I wouldn't be crying during it. "Okay," I sighed, pulling my hair back away from my face and tying it up. "Let's go pack then," I replied morosely, but I put a smile on my face. He shook his head and smiled sadly at my terrible acting. We both walked out of the room, our room, and he locked it behind him, pocketing the key car. We kind of just looked at each other for a minute.