In Another Life

149

It caused pain to rock through my entire body. How many times was that going to happen? How was it even possible for it to keep shattering? If it was already broken, then how did it keep breaking? I turned my drink up and downed it in just a few swallows. I caught Sarah staring at me wide eyed. "What?" I asked, my voice dead. She shook her head. "Nothing T. Just wow. You downed that drink faster than I've ever seen anyone do it. Impressive. Don't you think maybe it's a little early though?" I rolled my eyes. I was not in the mood to deal with their mothering bullshit. I knew what I was doing. "Don't you start in on me too Sarah. Denise gives me enough crap. If I wanna drink, morning, noon, or night, I'm gonna do it," I replied. She narrowed her eyes at me. "Yeah, you can do what you want T, but that attitude that you keep giving all of us ain't it. We're just trying to help and be here for you. Make sure that you don't do anything that you'll regret later on. So maybe stop giving us shit too, before you lose more than just Colby." I stared at her stern face, not really knowing what to say. She was right. I had been being a bitch to them, and I couldn't seem to stop it. I just wanted everyone to stop trying to mother me.  I nodded, one quick jerk of my head. "Fine. I get that. I'm sorry that I'm being a bitch. It's easier cuz if I'm not acting like I don't care, then the real feelings-" I choked out a sob, and covered my mouth. Sarah's face softened. "I'm sorry T. I know it's hard right now. It will get easier, I promise. It'll never go away because you love him. Anyone with eyes can see that. Hell, a blind person could see it. But you can't keep snapping at us. That's not okay. But we will stop trying to mother you as much as we're doing. We're just worried, that's all." I nodded again, and looked away, indicating that the conversation was over. I couldn't talk about this. Denise knew that, so her and Kenzie walked over, holding bowls of popcorn, and a bowl full of bite size chocolates. They set them on the coffee table, and I immediately grabbed a chocolate. "So, what are we watching?" Denise asked, effectively changing the subject for me. Even when I was a bitch, she still had my back and knew what to do. I glanced at the television apprehensively, scared that I would see his face again. Instead, it was on a Chills video. Sarah shrugged. "I didn't really know what to put it on. I mean, we usually just watch...well, anyway, this is all I found." Yeah, we usually just watched Sam and Colby or their individual channels but we couldn't now, because of me. They all glanced at me, then away quickly. I couldn't stand them throwing me these pitiful glances too much longer. "This is fine," I replied, then stood up and went to the kitchen to fix another drink. "T, don't you think-" Denise cut her question short when I shot her a look. A bashful expression crossed her face and she held her hands up in defense. "Sorry, won't happen again. If you wanna get blacked out this early, go for it, I guess." I rolled my eyes again. "I'm not going to get blacked out." I didn't think I was anyway. I made my drink with a little less vodka this time, more orange juice, and topped it off with some sweet Grenadine. My head was already a little swimmy with how fast I had downed the other drink, and it was a strong drink.I cam back and sat down, turning my attention to the TV and whatever countdown Chills was going on about. Something about paranormal experiences. Perfect. We watched for a while, letting autoplay choose our next video. I went to fix yet another drink a little while later, stumbling a little as I made my way to the kitchen. "You good?" Kenzie called out from the couch. I nodded and tried to steady myself. Yep, I was a little drunk. They had fun, the rest of the time, watching spooky videos, then funny ones. I even caught myself laughing a little. Just a little. Honestly, my mind was not on what was playing on the screen. It was on what was playing in my head. My time with Colby, starting at Playlist, and ending when we said goodbye. I stared at the screen in front of me, until I couldn't take it anymore. The atmosphere was just too light, too fun, and I didn't belong in it. So I got up to leave. "Hey, where are you going?" Denise asked me, as I headed to my room to grab my purse. I just lifted my hand up to her. I grabbed what I needed, and walked out, heading towards the kitchen to get the bottle of vodka. "T, you are not driving anywhere. Come back over here and hang out with us! We're all feeling pretty good right now. Come on, please," she begged. I turned back and shook my head, as my eyes filled up with tears. "I can't Neece. I just...can't," I replied. I dug in my purse and threw her my keys, then turned back to the door. I rushed out before they could say anything else, and headed down the stairs and outside. It wasn't nightfall yet, since we had started so early. I had work tomorrow, but I was thinking of calling in. Funny thing was, I probably would be sick after I drank all that I planned too. I wanted to forget. I needed too. I walked down the sidewalk, heading towards the "bad" part of town. I should've been nervous but I wasn't. I had been here before, it had just been a really long time. I passed people in the run down park, and they yelled obscene things at me as I walked by, but I ignored them. I only had one goal on my mind.