Love Again

66. I Miss You

"It's been two hours since administration Dr. Jiwon."

"I can't wait any longer. I have to head home. Now that we've improved on dosage, let us wait and see how things will go. It can't go downhill from here on...say, give him a week or two for observation and let's see if he wakes up from his slumber."

"Two weeks is too long doctor..."

"Be patient." Pinching and pulling at his nephew's cheek, Stan's uncle added. "I wonder what is going on in that head of his."

Packing his stuff, he continued. "You must not tell his parents about this. Henceforth, let this be our little secret since none of them will understand your predicament as well as I do. Especially Robin. Picking up samples to test on his beloved son while he was unconscious was already bad enough. Testing your findings on him is another. They do not understand the extent of your talents as well as I do. Therefore, am cautioning you for your own good Yeon."

"I'll take heed to your warning and thank you. In case of any changers, I'll keep you informed..."

"But seriously, can't you sense him even the tiniest bit? Injecting his former samples on him and the one mixed with yours should have given out a minor reaction from him by now. If you experienced a mild heat from his sample, it means the samples you administered were still valid for use."

"Well, I hadn't used the strength of my scents on him. From your advice, I just need to tap into our spiritual essence and share some of mine with his to jumpstart his cellular respiration."

Lifting his bag, Stan's uncle shrugged and added. "Everything always becomes clearer as long as we give it time. Cellular respiration will take sometime indeed since his body has literally been dormant and exhausted from being drained out of scents. I leave my nephew in your great hands Yeon." He concluded then opened the door and Elric's laughter could be heard echoing downstairs.

"He seems to have his spirits high. I told you Yeon. You needn't worry as long as he is with my wife. I'll get going then."

The door shutting behind Stan's uncle brought back Yeon to the reality of being alone once more with Stan. He looked at him and just like his uncle had always insisted, Stan did seem to be sleeping. The thought of his uncle pinching him made him giggle briefly before his face grew sullen again.

"Why won't you wake up. Your absence is felt everyday by everyone." Yeon spoke as he pinched Stan on the same spot his uncle did.

"Sorry I had to let you sleep alone yesterday. I did inform you I'd be coming today but still, I was anxious you were alone and as usual, I had no one to share my thoughts with. You need to wake up so Elric can stop sticking to me like glue. I never knew how lonely he was until recently. Maybe that was why you two were always together in campus. You both enrolled in the same activities and..." Yeon stopped and covered his face.

"Damn it! I was caught by your uncle! You haven no idea how my body grew cold from the fear of him scolding me...I wanted to hide but then, I couldn't regret my actions for attempting to save your life..."

Reaching for his fated's hands to hold them, Yeon continued. "Dad Robin seems to have cut your nails...and your hair too...yet still, your hands remain cold."

He studied Stan's appearance for a while before he spoke. "Everyone misses you. People are asking after you in campus. Your absence is greatly felt. The basketball team seems distraught by your disappearance. Elric said they are looking for a replacement for the two of you in the coming competitions. We only have two more months before we complete all the units and about six months before graduation...I hope you'll be awake then.

I want to walk with you...as you wanted. I want you to show me off to everyone like you wanted. Even if you did not say it, I know you're the one who spread word of us being fated. You wanted to clear out my name as the campus loner. I know...I always knew that's how people have always viewed me and I didn't care but you felt the need to defend my name.

You changed me...you've changed me...made me want to bond with people. I'd say forcefully..."Yeon laughed at himself. "I'm even surprised I can allow the company of the likes of Elric. Who would have thought I'd be that close to him or him trust me enough to want to stick that close to me.

Because of you, my project also took a different turn. I just had to find a way to save you as you saved me... Why did you risk it all for me in the first place?"

Frustrated by the one sided conversation, Yeon sat on the bed facing Stan and crisscrossed his legs. His palms on his chin to support his head, he watched the slow rise and fall of Stan's chest.

"I won't deny I like you anylonger. I've thought of spending the rest of my life with you and I do not dislike the thought anymore. Still, despite your uncle's assurance, I feel like you might leave me someday yet at this point, I'm tied to you so I do not think I'll let you go that easily. Being with you opened my eyes to how lonely I was and to think I believed I was okay...I'm scared of being that lost again.

Still, I can't trust that you'll not hurt me once in a while. I can't be sure you'll always love me as you've often claimed. Some days, you'll love me less and others, even lesser. Maybe that was the reason I felt frightened by you...by your jubilant confession that didn't seem sincere at first."

Shifting to crawl on all fours, Yeon stopped as his face looked down on his unresponsive fated and continued. "Maybe that's why I couldn't say those words I promised to never tell anyone else. Every time you confessed your feelings, I felt nervous and anxious. I do not trust easy Stan and my heart has grown fickle over the years. I hated myself for a very long time for being a coward...self loathing at my physical appearance for years on end, often wondering why I didn't look like you...maybe then I wouldn't be cheated on. It hurt...a hurt that leaves a lifetime scar...

Damn it! I started liking myself because you loved me! You treated me well, tried to understand me, endured my constant rejection over and over..! I wanted you to give up but you were resilient to the end..!"

Yeon grew still when a tear fell on Stan's cheek, then another, and another. He watched them slowly slide down to Stan's ear.

"Fuck..! It's all my fault that you are in this state... I'm so stressed by all this...by your unresponsiveness that now I understand why you bothered me with wanting to see me smile."

Trailing his hand to wipe the tears that kept falling from his eyes to Stan's cheeks, he wept.

"How can I tell you how I feel if you're like this? I don't care anymore if you suddenly wake up and decide you don't like me anylonger...I just want to see you awake and smiling like your usual annoying self. I'll do whatever you want even if it annoys me. We'd watch your romantic movies that I dislike so much....

Shit! Who I'm I kidding? I'll hate it...I'll fight you and not cooperate! I'll resent them...I'll try...I'll promise to try to resent them a little less so please...open your eyes Stan! Please open your eyes so we can argue once more..! We have so much to fight over....so much to do together...

Please...

You made me like you...hope...want to live again...to love again..."

Feeling defeated, Yeon slumbered on Stan's chest. He shook from the sorrow he'd been trying to brave infont of everyone. It hurt...he was hurt.

He missed them all, all the memories, the time spent together with Stan, fighting, laughing, arguing...he missed them all.

"I hate you so much for making me distraught...for making me lonelier than I already was...

It hurts... I'm tired of hurting...

I can't wait for two more weeks...I won't so please, wake up so I can sense you once more...

I miss you so much."