Queen's Obsession

Chapter 120

*Suzanna's P.O.V*

I let out a small whine when I wake up, not used to sleeping in a crib. I fidget with the bars before I manage to get the bars down. I roll out of bed, fixing my nightgown that she had put me in. I didn't like wearing nightgowns, I would rather just wear Mama's dresses as my own. It would be more fun that way, since they smell like her and I like how she smells.

I yawn as I creep out of the nursery, carefully padding down the hall. I pause outside of Mama's room, noticing the door is cracked a little bit. I hesitate, deciding not to just barge right into her bedroom since I can hear her. I stand quietly outside of it, standing on my tippy toes as I listen intently.

"It's so hard," I hear Mama say, her voice sounding exhausted. I frown at that, dropping down to stand flat on my feet. She sounded so tired, something I didn't enjoy hearing at all.

"Is it?" I hear Mommy ask, sounding amused. Their voices get quiet for a moment before I can hear bits of what Mama's saying.

"...so hard to care for her....loud and rambunctious...Pandora....pain in the ass. Never stops..." Mama's voice is quiet as speaks to Mama. I hadn't...I wasn't a pain in the ass.

"...not worth it..." I hear Mommy say and my heart shatters. They didn't love me, they didn't want me anymore. I take a couple of steps back, spinning around and fleeing back to my room. My actual room and not the stupid nursery by Seraphina's.

I shut the door behind me...hard. So hard the wood splinters around the frame. I bury my head into the bed and let out a muffled scream, tears pouring down my face. I hit the mattress as hard as I could...several times in a row. I knew they had been lying, there was no way that anyone could ever love me.

I lay there for who knows how long as Seraphina's words echo in my head...as do Kamili's. I thought Kamili had actually liked me. I mean she had agreed to be my Mommy so I had assumed....I thought that meant that she would at least tolerate me.

Seraphina's words...they cut even deeper. I mean she had said I was her daughter, she had let me call her Mom. I should have expected it though, any woman I had ever called Mom had always ended up hurting me. I push myself up, going through the motions as I change into one of my old outfits. I feel numb inside, my heart feeling broken. I decide I don't even want to bring anything but the clothes on my back and my money. I had earned my money so I didn't feel guilty for taking that as I had fairly earned it.

I tuck it into my pocket before I put on my shoes and leave the room. I make my way to the gate, running into Orion who raises an eyebrow when he sees me.

"Trying to run off again?" He asks teasingly, making me shake my head after a moment.

"I want to go to the market, you come with me," I request, making him furrow his eyebrows in confusion.

"You want to go to the market? What could you possibly need from the market that isn't here?" Orion asks, making me pause for a second before my brain comes up with a good lie...at least one that is good enough.

"I want to get Seraphina a gift," I state, the lie rolling from my tongue with ease. I was technically telling the truth, I was going to give Seraphina the gift of me no longer being around. That way she would be happy again.

"Really? What prompted that?" Orion asks, making me shrug my shoulders slightly.

"I just want to make her happy," I say quietly, making him furrow his eyebrows.

"She's happy with just having you around," Orion says. A pit forms in my stomach, his words just a lie that makes my ears burn. I couldn't believe that he was lying to me, he had to know that she didn't love me or like me but yet he acted like she did. Why wouldn't anyone tell me how they truly felt? I can't stop my outward reaction of stomping my foot which makes him sigh.

"Okay, okay, we'll go to the market so you can get a gift for her," he agrees as he offers me his hand. I take it, just so he doesn't suspect that I'm planning something. As long as we walked together, he wouldn't ever suspect that I was planning on running off.

"What are you thinking of getting her?" Orion asks, making me shrug my shoulders.

"Don't know, maybe some jewelry or something. Something that makes her really happy," I inform him as I walk beside him. One of the other guards that had been standing nearby has taken his place at the gate, something I notice only when I glance back. I press into Orion who wraps an arm around me, bringing me a small sort of comfort.

He leads me to some stalls, letting me look around the stalls. I nibble my bottom lip, looking around.

"Maybe I should get something that's green, like her eyes," I muse out loud, the lie escaping me as I continue to look around. Orion lets me drift away from him, staying close but not being right next to me. I pick up a ring, examining it. I fumble it on purpose, acting shocked when it hits the ground and rolls away.

Orion turns to grab it and when he does, I take off running. It's easier to run than I thought, my hip catching on a table at one point but I keep running. My hip throbs but I keep running, hearing Orion's voice behind me. He may be a trained guard and faster than me but it had taken a moment for him to notice that I had run off so I thought I had a decent chance of escaping. I just focused on the ground ahead of me, not daring to look back or pay attention to the fact that he was running after me.