Wrath and Agony

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You froze. All the world's sounds blocked themselves from your ears. The thumping of your heart was now the loudest sound in the room, infiltrating your entire ability to hear. The joy ... the hopefulness ... was gone. Sirius' eyes, once full of joy, hopefulness, cheerfulness - eyes which gave you hope - hope of a better life, had become desolate and empty. The life within Sirius' eyes faded; a distant colour of desolation. A void. Hollow, spiritless, hopeless eyes.

Sometimes it is that the greatest people suffer the most. Those who work their hardest, who wish for the best for others, receive the worst themselves. The endless suffering. When the hope rises - when potential appears - the tiniest spark reflects the truth of hopelessness. Whether it be the pain of loss, the pain of distance, the pain of isolation - pain is pain, harsh and dreadful for all, sometimes harder to breathe through, sometimes easier. For pain is not a fixed emotion; it is one which fluctuates; one which is dealt with differently each and every time.

Staring, staring, staring. All that was left to be seen was Sirius' body be encompassed by a white smoke, his body gently lifting itself as it flowed through the Veil. The Veil. The cursed Veil. The cursed line between life and death, so simple, so thin, yet so destructive. This thin line, this thin archway, had diminished your hopes in an instance, crumbling you down to hollowness. To less than - less than [F/n] Potter.

How Harry reacted, you did not know, for you yourself had not entirely processed the sight, let alone processing Harry's reaction. And yet, the raspy scream of Harry soon invaded your ears as Lupin had grabbed onto him, wrapping his arms around Harry's entire body, which too crumbled down into a painful wreck.

You, on the other hand, remained silent. Staring. No tears flooded. No desire to shed tears. Perhaps feeling sadness now would have been easier - easier than the torment rushing through your veins. The void within your mind - within your heart. In fact, your eyes soon faded of their colours; diminished to an empty [E/c], with a colour yet no liveliness. No life bouncing through your eyes, no emotions, no feelings. Your own lungs felt short of breath, choking on the oxygen. You did not quite mind it, nevertheless, partly bathing in the breathless feeling of life. It's not like your body acted accordingly now either - numb limbs - what good were they? What good were your arms, your legs, fingers, muscles, when they remained frozen. Paresthesia. Everywhere. Your fingers. The tingling, burning, numb feeling encompassed your entire body. To you, the world had come to a stop. Still staring at the Veil, Harry's screams, despite being so loud, were but a distant noise, somewhere in the far land. Somewhere in reality, somewhere where you were not.

And yet, your own chest soon began to pound from your heart and the excessive growing pain, striking through your neck and head, thumping loudly. Finally, tears welled up. Finally, pain arrived. Finally, agony and suffering encompassed your body.

Sirius is dead.

Your face remained expressionless, yet one single tear skimmed down your cheek, leaving its singular trail behind itself.

Reader, there is a fine line between agony and wrath. A very fine line. One which you, [F/n] Potter, often struggled to distinguish between - the two sides merging, colliding, fading within each other, blurring the line for you. Remaining empty and hollow, your eyes flickered gently, becoming encompassed by your growing rage; the voice of Bellatrix replaying itself in your mind.

Avada Kedavra, Avada Kedavra, Avada Kedavra.

The very thing that followed it; the body of Sirius, floating up, the life disappearing, floating into the Veil.

It was a miracle that, in that moment, your wand had not snapped. The manner in which you'd gripped it, digging your fingers into it, was enough to bruise the inside of your palm. Lupin, holding onto Harry, only in the final moment noticed the fire burning with your eyes as you still stared ahead, empty of thoughts, empty of rational thinking. Only in the final moment did Lupin call out your name, knowing that grabbing onto you was far too late, as your entire body became electrified with the very wrath and agony, merged into one, as you bolted out of the room, following the laughter of Bellatrix.

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