Everlasting (Draco Malfoy x Reader)

She Believes in Me

Why had seeing Draco become such a hardship? He wanted to be by you, you believed, thus why did it pain to have him beside you? Why did it trigger more suffering whenever your eyes locked with his across the hall? Across the classroom? Because he doesn't feel the same way about me as I feel about him, you thought to yourself, staring at your desk, dazed. Because, maybe, he doesn't care ... maybe he just pities me, and doesn't want me to leave. Such thoughts would have never occurred to the normal [F/n]. But that is because the normal [F/n] does not care - she does not overthink - vulnerability is nonexistent to her. But the [F/n] Potter with feelings? With ... love? Gosh, the mere thought made you gag. Yes, that is a whole other story. Overthinking is inevitable in the state you were in and, so suddenly, you began to doubt everything, despite knowing how irrational it was.

"Potter," Snape snapped. "I'm sick of you not paying attention in my lessons."

"I was paying attention," you lied.

Snape knew you weren't but, knowing the place you were in, scoffed and turned back to the rest of the class as he continued teaching, allowing you to daze off into another daydream and into more wrecking thoughts.

"Are you alright?" Hermione whispered, leaning over.

"Yes," you nodded.

"Is it Sirius?"

" ... Yes," you pursed your lips.

At the end of the lesson, you had been asked to stay behind. Draco, instinctively, also waited behind, hoping to leave the lesson with you. He did not mind waiting through your discussion with Snape - he never did. And yet, as Snape noticed that he also was waiting, could not help but kick him out. Draco protested for a while, but Snape had successfully shooed him out of the class, leaving Draco to sigh and wait outside the class. Thus, standing alone with Snape, you looked up at him with tired eyes, standing behind your desk.

"Is it ... Sirius?" Snape asked, slowly, as though he knew he was stepping on dangerous territory. He knew that one wrong word, one wrong look, and he would inspire thousands of feelings inside a vulnerable person like yourself. He did not wish to hurt you, and thus treaded lightly.

"It's ... yes," you said, not wishing to make a big deal out of your recent findings of your own feelings.

Snape remained silent for a couple more moments, looking at you with a curious look. You, on the other hand, avoided his gaze at all costs and, as you awaited a response from him, you looked around the entire class to see anything but his eyes. His eyes, on the other hand, remained plastered on your expression.

"And what else?" He finally asked.

"What?" You asked, turning to him.

"What else is paining you?"

"Nothing," you quickly said, "it's Sirius. I miss him."

"I believe you," he nodded, "but there's more."

"What gives you that impression?"

"You, Potter. I have spent five consecutive years with you. I have watched you grow up," he spoke lowly, crossing the classroom slowly to approach your desk, until he stood on the opposite side of it, staring down at you with his usual glare, yet soft eyes. "There is more causing you pain."

You inhaled slowly, and exhaled even slower. There was no hiding from Snape, that's true. That man really did have you figured out and you knew that, sooner or later, he would know. You knew he wouldn't judge you for it - perhaps he'd even support it. But there was something so horrifying about sharing this unusual knowledge with another human. For, if you said it out loud, there would be no turning back. It would be like ... an assumption becoming a truth. Thinking you may die tomorrow is not as horrifying as knowing that you will die tomorrow. Thinking you are in love with Draco Malfoy is simply not as horrifying as knowing that you are in love with him. By saying it, by acknowledging it to another conscious human, you were simply agreeing with the fact that you know of your feelings for him.