The church was packed full of people, everyone was wearing black and at the front of the church was a black casket. I looked around the room and saw Legacy sitting in the front holding Ivanna and Ace closely, my family was distraught I knew it was my funeral I've been having this same dream more frequently as the day for my surgery got closer. I sat up in bed quickly drenched in sweat, looking around the room and had to remember I was at Zyshaun's place, this surgery was driving me crazy it was common knowledge I wasn't good with sickness or injury so just the thought of being cut open was fucking with my head in the worst way. I got out of bed and walked around the room, Legacy was still sleep which gave me time to think lately he's been really worried about me and the last I wanted to do was add to the stress he was feeling. I decided to go to the bar and make myself something to drink, as I was walking past one of the room I saw Sa'vion and Dominique who were having a silent but heated conversation and kept walking whatever they were up to was none of my business. When I got downstairs Khalil and Zyshaun were still up talking and when I walked in they quickly stopped talking.
"Look y'all can quit acting as if I'm on my deathbed, in a couple days I'm going to have surgery and everything will be back to normal..... somewhat so stop looking at me like that because I'm fine." I said smiling, I hated lying to them but I was the last thing they needed to be worried about with everything going on.
"Zo you're not fine...... you're losing hella weight, you spend most of the time sleeping and when you are up you're putting on that fake ass smile because you're too concerned about making sure everyone else is okay. As of right now everyone is good and I wanna focus on making sure that you are too, so stop being a hard ass and tell us what you are really feeling." Khalil said glaring at me.
"I'm actually pretty hunger so I'm about to go to Whataburger." I said shrugging and Khalil shook his head and stood up. "What are you doing?"
"We're going to get something to eat." Khalil said walking to the door. "We're going to get to the bottom of how you're really feeling because I'm tired of you walking around like everything is okay when I can just look at you and tell it's not." I knew it was pointless to argue so I grabbed a jacket and walked out to the car.
"Zyshaun's not coming?" I asked sarcastically and Khalil shook his head. "Last time I checked I was completely capable of going to get food on my own." I said getting in the passenger seat since I was still half sleep.
"Buddy system little bro......" Khalil said turning the radio up and speeding off. After we got our food Khalil pulled into a park and turned the car off, here we go he was about to do that thing he does were he makes me feel like shyt in trying to get me to show some emotion. "So talk nigga how are you really feeling?" Khalil asked.
"I've already told you I'm good so stop fuckin asking......." I said looking out the window.
"Lorenzo who do you think you're talking to? I've been there since the beginning, you may be able to put on a front for everyone else but not me I can just look at you and tell..... just like you can just look at me and tell when something is wrong, so I'll ask you again what's really going on with you?" Khalil said looking at me.
"What? Nigga I don't have to explain myself to you or anyone, you are NOT my dad...." I said getting pissed.
"I know I'm not but your dad did tell you about bottle up you emotions...... you know now that I think about it I'm trying to remember the last time I actually saw you get mad, not that weak shyt where you walk around looking all grumpy but actually pissed to the point you wanna fight....... I think it was Mique but even then you weren't really mad were you?" Khalil said. "Zo just let that shyt out....."
"So what I'm supposed to be mad at the world for something I can't control and you are the last person to give me advice on anger issues or how to deal with health problems because I seem to remember you ignoring all of us when you kept having heart attacks." I said and Khalil started laughing.
"True but on the other hand it's better to show emotion and be passionate about something than stoic all the damn time.......,. just admit that your scared so I can figure out what Sa'vion and Dominique are up to, but I wonder.........." Khalil said smiling, next thing I knew Khalil punched hard ass fuck in my arm.
"WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM?" I yelled getting heated.
"I'm sick of you acting like everything is fine...... GET MAD ENZO DAMN IT'S OKAY TO BE PISSED BUT YOU SITTING AROUND PRETENDING IS PISSING ME OFF!" Khalil said pissed.
"WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY? THAT I'M SCARED I MIGHT DIE! AIGHT FINE THIS SHYT SCARES ME, IT KEEPS ME UP AT NIGHT WORRYING ABOUT WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN TO MY KIDS..... TO LEGACY...... TO YOU..... BECAUSE WE BOTH KNOW IF SOMETHING HAPPENS TO ME YOU WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO HANDLE, JUST LIKE IF SOMETHING WERE TO HAPPEN TO YOU I'D BE LOST........ Khalil you're my best friend, we've known each other our entire lives and I don't wanna focus on the negative because it's stupid. If I were to die I want my last few days with y'all to be happy." I said wiping my face.
"Enzo....."
"The reason I'm trying to be strong for everyone is because I know if I don't.... if I show one second of weakness...... after this surgery everything is going to go back to normal so for the next 61 hours let's just have fun, because anything can happen during the surgery." I said quietly.
"I'm not worried Zo..... I got faith that everything will work out but if you ever need someone to vent to you know I got you little bro." Khalil said and I smiled before punching him in the arm as hard as I could. He tried to act like it didn't hurt but I could see the pain in his face. "So you never told me what you decided about Tia...." Khalil said looking at me.
"That bitch ain't getting shyt from me, which is probably the reason she's been acting so crazy lately. I asked her if the only reason she was trying to get more kids outta me was because no dude in his right mind would ever sleep with Tara's funny shaped ass and she went off. I don't get her when I told her I had cancer she acted all broken up but now it's like she doesn't care. I know we're not together but still......." I said shaking my head.
"Well if all else fails and somewhere down the line you decide you want more kids, you and Legacy can always do what me and Marcus did with Michelle." Khalil said.
"Nah we're good..... I think there's enough kids running around." I said shaking my head.
Me and Khalil talked for a few more hours before heading back to Zyshaun's and over the next two days everything went perfectly.... almost too perfectly if you ask me but I wasn't complaining. The only thing that seemed to bring the mood down was Devin, the only people that noticed the slight difference were; me, Khalil, Blaze and Legacy... it was an easy thing to miss but I noticed his smile had become a lot colder and his eyes more darker, not the color but the intensity of them.
"You nervous...." Legacy said as we got ready to go to bed.
"Yeah a little..... but mostly I'm scared." I said quietly. "You know how much I hate surgery and they're getting ready to cut from my belly button down to my pubic bone, I just hope they don't mess up and cut my dick off or something." I said laughing a little. "It's a good thing I'll be sleep though, you promise to be there when I wake up right?" I asked looking in his eyes.
"I'm not going to leave your side....." Legacy said kissing me. "Once this is over we need to take a vacation, some where far away from everything I'm thinking maybe we could go to Germany like you wanted." Legacy said smiling.
"I'm willing to go anywhere as long as I got you." I said pushing him on the bed and climbing on top of him. "Let's just enjoy this night since it will probably be the last time I can actually bust a nut." I said laughing and he hit me with a pillow.
"I love you Lorenzo." Legacy said quietly, I didn't respond with words instead I just kissed him passionately and let my love for him take over. I didn't know what was going to happen to me after this surgery or if it would even work but all that mattered now was sending one more night with Legacy.........................................
