I buried my mother last week...... and as badly as I wanted to break down I knew I couldn't; I had to be strong for my sisters because they were going to need me but it was still hard as fuck especially now that I had to go through all her stuff and figure out what to keep and what to get rid of, thankfully Marcus and Enzo were here to help because honestly I didn't even know where to start. I sat in my old room looking around, I hadn't been in here in months hell the last time I was here I elected to stay in the beach house Zyshaun was renting rather than stay here with my mom...... I really regretted that now. My throat started burning and I quickly stood up and started looking for something to do; I had to keep myself busy, I couldn't let the grief I was feeling consume me. I walked out into the living room where Marcus, Enzo and Legacy were boxing up my my mom's stuff.... I didn't have the strength to go in her room so I was glad they were here. I picked up my daughter Lauren and walked out to the porch.
"You kinda look like your grandma." I said smiling at her, I sat in one of the chairs me and Legacy used to use when we were going through our wrestling phase and wondered why they never got rid of these old things.
"Cam....." Marcus said quietly, I tried to hide the fact that he scared the fuck outta me but I knew he saw me jump a little. "Do you want these pictures of Cori?" He said handing me some baby pictures, that caused my hands to shake.
"This...... this isn't Cori, it's CJ. I threw them away after he...... I was so damn hurt that I couldn't even look at them without crying, Liberty cussed me out when she found out, looking back on it I was being stupid...." I said forcing myself to laugh. "I never knew my mom had them." I said putting the pictures in my shirt pocket. We sat there quietly as Liberty, Cadence and Carly walked up to the porch and took Lauren out my arms.
"Cam you should go be with your brothers we can finish up here." Liberty said and I knew they thought by me being here I would have a psychotic break or something but I was good............. Somehow they managed to get me and Legacy to take a break to go to the hotel with Devin, Dominique and Sa'vion, Khalil had to fly back to Texas for business but he'd be back later tonight.
We got to the hotel and found them all sitting on the balcony drinking and smoking, which shocked the hell outta me mainly because I knew Devin was adamantly against both. I sat down and they all looked at me as if I was a wounded animal, instead of giving them the satisfaction of seeing me break I took the blunt out of Sa'vion's hand and began smoking.
"Why do y'all keep staring at me..... I'm good." I said calmly, I hadn't smoked since college so I was feeling it instantly. Within a few minutes I was feeling extremely mellow, Sa'vion and Dominique decided to go get something to eat leaving me with Devin and Legacy.
"Cam...... bro there's nothing wrong with showing emotion. I can't began to imagine what you've been through the past year and no one here with judge you if you cry." Devin said quietly.
"Good thing I'm not going to cry so I don't have to worry about that.... look Dev I know what you're trying to do and I appreciate it but I'm good what we should be focusing is planning your bachelor party." I said laughing even though there was nothing really funny.
"Me and Torian have decided to push the wedding back until later this year and we're not moving until early next year...... there's just too much going on right now." Devin said.
"Your wedding is happening next month as planned..... don't argue because it's pointless. I just feel like after all the bad we've been through we all deserve a little bit of happiness, plus part one of your bachelor party is already paid for and it's non-refundable." I said smirking, Devin started to say something but I got up and walked away I didn't give a fuck what he said in a month my brother was getting married, I don't care if I had to go online and get ordained then marry them myself. I walked around the hotel until I saw Enzo walking in, I tried to turn around but ran right into a wall.
"You're high." Enzo said shaking his head. "Take a walk with me Cam....." Enzo said not waiting for a reply he pulled me out the hotel and we started walking down the street. "We talk about this Cam..... when you came back for those two weeks." Enzo said quietly.
"Yeah I know but Zo..... I can't talk about it because I feel like if I allow myself one minute of vulnerability then everyone is going to start treating me like I'm weak...... and I can't have that." I said as we walked over to the mall which was right by the hotel.
"Here's the thing Cam...... if you hold it in it's only going to get worse and you don't have to hide your feelings at least not from me..... we need each other because me and you are a lot alike, he both put on brave faces and focus all our energy on making sure everyone else is okay but when it comes to us.........." Enzo said.
"Zo I'm......." I started to say I'm good but I've told that lie too many times since coming back and if there was one person I could be honest with it was Enzo. "I'm hurting.... I've never been good with showing weakness; when I lost my son, my dad and now my mom.... I always had to be the one who was looking out for everyone else it's not easy for me to open up, Kadeem always used to tell me that men aren't supposed to show weakness." I said blaming my dad for the way I was now.
"Are you still having suicidal thoughts?" Enzo asked as if he was asking for the time.
"Nah..... I mean not as much it went from a few times a day to a couple times a week. But I got too much to live for; Liberty, Cammy, Cori, Lauren, my brothers, my sisters, my family and that's what keeps me going." I said quietly.
"Cam I think you should talk to my therapist. She really been helping me through the shyt I've been going through with the cancer and Tia..... and before you even say anything going to therapy doesn't make you weak, it just shows you're strong enough to ask for help." Enzo said.
"I wasn't going to say that stupid...... I was just wondering if she was cute or not, the last thing I need is Liberty thinking I'm cheating on her." I said laughing.
"Yeah Liberty would probably beat your ass...... and nah she's not even remotely attractive at least not to me, she kinda looks like Edna Mode from The Incredibles." Enzo said laughing. "Let's get back to the hotel and check on your brothers." Enzo said putting his hand on my shoulder and leading me back to the hotel.........
"'Cause I'm on my way to Tennessee, Singing Georgia On my mind. Chasing what they says a dream, thinking maybe it ain't mine. 'Cause that boy's in every song I sing. He's in every song I write and six string ridin' in his seat, won't keep me warm tonight. God what am I suppose to do there's more than miles in my rear view." Devin was playing a guitar and singing on the balcony and I could see the irritation in Sa'vion and Dominique's faces as I walked out, Enzo went to his room to be with Legacy so it was just me and my brothers.
"Thank god you're back if I had to listen to this nigga singing one more country song I was going to.........." Sa'vion said looking at me. "You good Cam?"
"Nah I'm not but I will be...... so Carly is moving in with me and Liberty once we move to Houston but for now it's best if she stays with Khalil, her going to school with Noah and Saint will be good for her." I said sitting in the chair next to Devin. "And you're getting married next month, Khalil and them are going on their trip, and I'm getting help."
"What about us?" Dominique asked smirking.
"You're going to handle that shyt in Jackson, I'll help with what I can and Sa'vion you're going to find a job you fuckin bum." I said smiling.
"Fuck you Cam, don't get all bold on my because I'll still beat your......" Someone started knocking on the door and they all quickly raised their hands making me the one who had to answer it. I got up and opened the door to find Grandma Mary standing there looking like she was on her way to church.
"Wassup Grandma?" I asked closing the door a little bit so she couldn't see fully inside, the last thing I wanted was her seeing Devin, Sa'vion and Dominique. She looked at me for a full minute before turning her head to someone I could see and nodding, I took a step back and let out a gasp; there was no way he was here because by all accounts this man was supposed to be dead, yet here he was standing right in front of me with that same cruel smile that used to haunt my childhood..........................
***** I'm going to be taking a break from this story for a couple weeks to focus on Second Semester, since this is the last part I wanna make sure that I get the ending down perfectly and not leave any loose ends. If you have any questions please message me and I'll try answer your questions without giving anything away.*****
