Imagines and One-Shots (Book Two)

Love Yourself (Calum Hood)

You padded quietly throughout the small apartment, heading for your bedroom. You'd just turned off the television and were heading to bed. It was then that you realized you hadn't seen your boyfriend in a couple hours.

You figured he was on his laptop – he tended to lose track of time when he was on it – but upon opening the door and seeing his journal on the desktop, you knew that's what he'd been doing. You then looked over and found him lying on the bed, soft snores passing his lips. You couldn't help but smile, a warm feeling burning in your chest as you thought about how much you loved him.

But your eyes seemed to instantly dart back to the journal.

Calum never left it on his desk – he always kept it in the drawer with a lock on it and the key never left the chain around his neck. The small book was open, lying there for anyone to see.

And you knew you shouldn't have – Calum never let you read anything he'd written in it before and you were sure he'd be upset if you read it without his permission now.

But you couldn't help yourself.

You walked over to the desk, sitting down in the chair and quietly scooting forward. The lamp was already on – Calum clearly must have been pretty tired – so all you had to do was read.

My biggest fear is that you'll wake up before me one Tuesday morning and instead of leaning in and kissing me on the cheek, you'll look at my sleeping body and start to notice all of my flaws. You'll think about my random spouts of jealousy and the fact that I talk too much. You'll listen to me go on and on about something you don't care about and you'll start to hate my lisp or when I stumble over my words. You'll realize just how selfish I can be when it comes to you sometimes and find yourself becoming more and more annoyed with how I'm always asking you if we can stay home rather than go out. I'm afraid that, one day, you'll walk into the kitchen, brew a cup of coffee, stare at the pale morning rays of sunshine entering the window frame, and come the conclusion that, for no particular reason at all, you don't love me anymore.

Your heart broke at the words he'd written about you, but it broke even more at the words he'd written about himself.

So you decided to grab the pen sitting beside the notebook and write your own entry.

~

Calum's POV; The next morning

Calum woke up to a warm sensation on his legs, letting him know that the sun was shining down on them. He felt a small weight on his stomach, looking down and seeing your arm.

He looked over his shoulder and found you acting as the big spoon and he couldn't help but smile. He was never one to be the little spoon – especially when it came to laying with you – but he'd be lying if he said there weren't times he didn't enjoy waking up that way.

He carefully turned onto his back so he could kiss your forehead, mumbling an 'I love you' he knew he couldn't hear. He yawned lightly, carefully removing your arm from his stomach so he could get off the bed. He delicately pulled the blanket over you so you were still warm without him there and then went to go to the kitchen to make a pot of coffee before he would ultimately have to wake you up so you didn't sleep in too late.

But he wouldn't even make it to the bedroom door.

Calum noticed his journal out of the corner of his eye, realizing that he hadn't put it away before he went to bed. His eyebrows furrowed upon seeing something written on the next page, certain that – even in his tired state – that wasn't his handwriting.

And upon further inspection, he realized he was right – he hadn't written this entry; You did.

My biggest fear is that you'll never see yourself the way I see you. You'll never happen to pass by a mirror or window as you're laughing at a stupid joke and see the smile on your face. You'll never see the way your face scrunches up and you throw your body back into whatever you're sitting on when I've messed up for the 138th time in whatever song you're trying to teach me how to play. You'll never see the way you look at me when I've finally beaten you in a video game and I'm celebrating the win even though I know you let me every single time. You'll never see the way I look at you when you've fallen asleep in the middle of the movie I've made you watch for the 36th time. But no. You'll wake up before me one morning, walk into the bathroom, and stare at yourself in the mirror as you brush your teeth, asking yourself how someone like me could want someone like you. And while I'm in the bathroom and you're getting dressed, I'll look in the mirror as I brush my teeth, wondering how someone like me became lucky enough to be loved by someone like you. And I'll look over my shoulder at you and hope that maybe – just maybe – you'll look in the mirror one morning and love yourself as much as I do.

And Calum was never much of a crier, but that morning, he didn't bother holding in the tears as he looked back at your sleeping figure on the bed, just thankful he finally found someone who was so set on helping him learn to love himself.

~

i know this is super short but god i love it so much

inspiration: http://fam-e.tumblr.com/post/107171454593/my-biggest-fear-isnt-that-youll-lie-to-me-one